Still A Criminal

Lloyd

Everything has been so...still. It's like time has stopped or the world has slowed down, like it's waiting for something to start it up again.

And something's missing. Like an echo in silence.

I sigh as I help a tea shop owner lift the last of her new supplies into the storage room. The young woman gives me a grateful smile and I leave.

The sun warms my face as I step out of the shop. Like it's trying to comfort me.

I often spend time helping the community rebuild after whatever Ninjago city suffers and spend the rest of my time training. Hard. I get up every morning, early, I've always been an early riser, I struggle to sleep for long.

The rest of the ninja don't know this. They don't know how often I train, they don't know the drowning guilt I feel. I should tell someone, I really should, but I just can't bring myself to, I can't bring myself to burden someone else. 

I can feel myself get more tired with every passing day

And sometimes I just feel this emptiness inside me.

It wasn't always like this and my friends have always been there for me. Always supporting but...

But never understanding. 

And I thought I had found someone who understood, but I guess she didn't.

Wandering down the path I take a moment to breathe. I used to use the little time I have to think for a moment and sift through all my thoughts. But I don't anymore. Because if I think for too long or if I look back on everything that's happened my thoughts will turn to-

I cut myself off before I can finish that thought.

I tell my self I'm taking a shortcut, every time I walk down Warewood road, every time I pass the collapsed building. It's only been a day since the whole Oni disaster and for some reason a little bit of hope still burns because we haven't found her body.

But it shouldn't, it really, really, shouldn't.

In fact I should want her gone. I should hope that she will never come back. Because I hate her, she betrayed me and used me and I hate her for it.

I hate her so much that when I see her face in my mind I can't breathe.

I hate her so much that when I hear her laughter echoing in my brain I want to break something.

I hate her so much that my heart burns every time I think of her.

I hate her so much that I think I might choke.