Umdeni

Chapter 1: Heavy lies the head..

Icy water pours over my naked body in the cold morning air, the smell of traditional herbs pungent in the air around me. The river next to me rushes and roils, the only soundtrack to this most sacred cleansing. My mother in law, although serious throughout the ceremony, keeps giving me encouraging glances and smiles, and as soon as the healer is done, rushes over to scoop me up, engulfing me in an enormous bear hug. "Let this be a new beginning for you my child", she says to me as we walk back to her home.
The whole family is already gathered, dressed in traditional garb, serving traditional food, without spices, as is our way when performing a cleansing ceremony. My husband seems distant, bored, I prepare his food, and serve him, but he barely looks at me, and it makes me feel like bursting, but before I can complain my mother in law pulls me aside. "Give him time my daughter, the death of a child is an unnatural thing, it will take him time to heal". I give her a smile, and squeeze her hand. The rest of the morning my family spends in communion with each other, chatting, and sharing stories. We're interrupted by the Sangoma announcing his departure. We all rise to greet him, and my mother in law walks him to our gate accompanied by my husband. He stands at the gate with the healer, seemingly locked in a discussion. My mother in law walks back toward us, by her face I can tell that something that was said upset her. She looks up at me from where I sit regarding her at the entrance of the Krall. She gives me a reassuring smile, and beckons to me to follow her into the house. She pulls me to her bedroom, gesturing for her only brother to come inside. Uncle Veli (as we affectionately call our family patriarch) smiles broadly, and presents me with an oaken box. "My child, we were supposed to give you this when you got married. It is a very precious rellic from the first world war, a family heirloom. You and Khaya will pass it on when your time comes".  He presents me with a vintage gold ring, engraved with delicate gold filigree that I'd always seen him wear on a necklace. I begin to protest, but my mother in law slips it onto my right ring finger, and holds me to her. "Wear this always, as a symbol of our bond, it will always bring you back to us.

Her words echo in my head as my husband and I drive back to Johannesburg in silence, the Kwa-Zulu Natal skyline fading behind us like a beautiful dream. A sadness fills me as we make our way home, the past few days were somewhat happy ones. It seemed like my husband's grief had dissipated for a time, he laughed and smiled a lot more than he had in the past year during our few days here, and I saw glimpses of the boy I'd fallen in love with. Now it seemed the further away we travelled from his home, the more stony his heart became. At times I felt like he blamed me for our child's passing. But how could either of us have known or seen it coming? 

He pulls the car into the front yard, stoping at the front door, I alight immediately and begin unloading our bags, simultaneously planning dinner, hoping he'd eat with me, but when I come downstairs for the remaining bags, I hear him pull the car out of the driveway. I close the door, my heart breaking. I take a deep breath, deciding to deliberately focus my energy on my upcoming first week as the fashion editor at Glamco. I pour myself a glass of wine and put on some music to wind down. Lwah Ndlunkulu 's powerful voice fills the house, drowning out every thought of sadness, transporting me back to the beautiful coast. I unpack our clothing humming along, thinking of days gone by.

After unpacking, I open my orientation pack. I can't help but feel excited about joining Glamco, besides it being the opportunity of a lifetime, the perks are nothing short of awesome. My mind drifts back to the interview, and how sleek and stylish everything and everyone in that building was. "I'll adjust", I say out loud. "They hired me for my genius fashion sense, not my ability to conform".

My phone beeps, I grab it realising I hadn't let my in-laws know we'd arrived safely. I text the rents, ad thank them for the week. Mom texts me back to shout me for wasting money because I left them some money. I text back a kiss, ignoring her crazy rant. I scroll through my messages and emails and come across an invitation for a team building weekend at some fancy resort sponsored by my new workplace. I immediately remember the interviewer mentioning it, but I was not planning to attend at all until I saw the brochure. He hadn't mentioned that it was a pool party theme, and so looking at it now, it is the perfect weekend getaway I'm definitely going. I RSVP, already deciding on a bikinis and outfit combinations. Choosing every element of every outfit with the greatest care" This is play, but it's work too", I say pulling a stylish white bikini with gold detail out of my cupboard for Friday. I match my bikini with a straw hat, and gold accessories,I pack two more of my best bikinis with accessories, ensuring that each ensamble is magazine worthy. Once organizers, I  pack a weekend bag thanking the Lord that I wont have to hang around here by myself all weekend. I order dinner for one, and get to some grooming, putting my hair into curlers, and shaving all my necessary bits. An hour later I stare at my naked body in the mirror appreciatively. Everything looks ready, so I decide to retire for the night. I wake feeling like I had one of those dreams my mother in law says I should take note of, but I don't  remember a thing, all I get are pieces of a dream floating around in my head making no sense at all. I shake it off, and wash my face and put on my tracksuit, stretching at the top of the stairs. My husband is already downstairs working, he notices I'm up and mumbles a listless good morning, to which i make no reply. I don't even know what time he got home, or where he goes, despite my mother in law trying to defend him,after a year of this nonsense, I'd really had it.  I head out the gate to stretch and warm up my muscles for my jog.  After jogging on the spot for a few minutes I start my first half of my jog, which takes me uphill, Ariana Grande pumping in my pods, I conquer the steepest part running my usual route, but somehow today everything about it seems different. I decide that my being away the past few days is what makes me feel this way, as I cruise downhill.  Lost in thought I crash into an elderly man who seemed to have materialized from nothing "Sorry Sir", I say pulling him to his feet. "Makoti", the old man replies, taking my hands into his. "Are you okay?" I ask him, looking him over for injuries. He nods and looks me in my eyes smilling as though we are well acquainted and then walks off with a chuckle. I make a mental note to check in later. And carry on my way downhill, not giving him another thought.