Start Clapping, Our Act Is Over (Zeroyalchaos FanFic) {Wattys2015}

Chapter 8- What Did I Do? I Guess I'll Never Know

No turning back.

I dragged it across my other arm, the one that wasn't cut. I spelled out 'I'd Rather Drown'. (A/N: Shamelessly plugs the title of one of my favorite songs...) I then took a picture of it and did a little Photoshop so that the first picture was on top of the new picture. I tweeted it out. The caption read: I never finished my statement. Together my arms spelled 'Fuck Love, I'd Rather Drown'. I smiled at my work. I knew I deserved it. I walked to the kitchen to look for the first aid kit because for some reason that's where we kept it. I cleaned up the blood from my arm and walked into my office, ignoring my phone's constant ringing. I made up my mind. I was better off dead. No one needed me. No one wanted me. I saw that Smarty called me, Ze must've picked up the phone...I don't care what they talked about, it won't matter in a couple of minutes anyway. I grabbed a paper and a pen. I went over to my desk and sat down, beginning to write down what I wanted to say but no one would listen. Some people are worth more dead, I won't be. My note read:

Dear whoever is reading this,

If you are reading this then you must've found me, congratulations. All I want to say is that I'm sorry that this happened. But don't worry, I'm fine, wherever I am. Jess, I'm sorry. I'm sorry internet, I failed you. I failed my friends. And most importantly, I failed Ze, my best friend.

None of you could have stopped this though. If something's meant to be, it will be. And if it doesn't happen, then it never was. The world is better off without me. Smarty, I know that we had our differences but you were one of my best friends and I couldn't have asked for a better one. Glam, you too. I will never forget you, you are unforgettable, you too Tom. And Ze, oh Ze. I'm so sorry for what I did to you. You were my best friend in the whole world. I could act however I wanted in front of you. You understood me more than anyone. And that's why you are the most valuable asset to my life. I'm sorry about the fight we had and I'm sorry that it had to end like this. But Ze, remember one thing for me, please. I'll take the show to my grave, literally.

Goodbye everyone. I hope that you enjoy the world, because I couldn't enjoy my last few days. I hope I never wake up. Please don't be sad guys, it's better this way. I'm so easy to replace, like Smarty, haha. Well, I guess that's all I have to say. Except for one thing:

Fuck Love, I'd Rather Drown

Love,    

          Chilled

I looked at what I wrote. Perfect, exactly what I wanted to say. I can't live without Ze and if he doesn't want me then no one will. So, I guess this is it. This is the end. I looked at the bottle of pills in my hand. How many should I take? How much would it take to kill me? Six? No, too predictable. Eight? No, too even of a number. Ten? No, too high. Seven? Yeah, seven sounds perfect. I put the note and extra pills on the table as I sat on the floor. I swallowed all of the seven pills at once, dry. I should feel it any minute now. I thought about my life as I waited. It was pretty good. I had an ok childhood. I had a lot of friends. I used to have a perfect boyfriend, but apparently I did something wrong, but I don't know what it is. Oh well, it's too late now, he wouldn't want me anyway. I'm too distant, gone, stuck in my head. I'm too messed. Funny how long it takes things to brake. Three years to break my relationship. Three days for myself to brake, to go over the edge. I all of a sudden felt really tired. I closed my eyes as I slumped to the floor.

This is it.

         Goodbye world.

                     Goodbye Ze, I love you. 

                                            Never forget the show.

                                                                        Then the door opened.

                                                                                                                      "CHILLED!"

                                                                                                                                                     Ze.

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I'm sorry about all the depressing stuff! I can't help it! I have to follow what my mind tells me to do. Oh and about the image thing, not the video. Tell me what your favorite song is or the last one you listened to was. I want to get to know you! Alright, anyway. BAII