Who am I?

Where it all starts.

I've never understood life. I think too deeply about it. Is life even real, or am I imagining everything.

Sometimes I ask myself if life started as soon as I was born, if everything was made in design of me. There is only a few people that seem real to me.

I talk about my existence and how odd it is too much that I think my partner thinks I'm weird, but that's okay. The world is really strange.

I wonder if life ever existed before my existence. Scientists say there was life, but I can't find it true. What if everything was designed as soon as I was born, a bit like a video game.

Maybe this is why I don't have many friends but I don't mind, as long as I can keep wondering how this world exists and why exists, I'm okay.

So, as the title of this chapter says where it all starts, that's what I'll talk about first.

What is life? Do we actually know? And do we even know the purpose of living? We just decided to make things that help us survive but what if that wasn't our goal, what if whatever created us wanted us to just die, what if we weren't supposed to adapt, you know?

It may seem odd that we were created just to die, but doesn't it also seem weird being born to be made to try survive?

That's what confuses me about inflation, how come things are so overpriced when the whole point of living is to essentially live? Governments are made up of average people yet they believe they are stronger than anyone, they get to escape the troubles and despairs of life.

Royalty is another level. Royalty are just average people with lots of money. It isn't right to place yourself higher above people because one of your ancestors chose to be a leader. You are common, we are all common.

Back to what I was talking about, to live is to survive and to survive is to at some point die. Doesn't that mean all your hard work goes to waste? I mean that if you aren't overly special to the world. Like if you're a common person, who just lives life, gets a job, has a family, gets old and then dies. Like what was it all for?

Being born is so odd. You are forced to live. I did not ask to be born yet here I am. Why did I have to be put through the torture of living a life that I want to end anyways because I believe there is nothing special about life.

Hopecore videos and my partner shouldn't be the only reason for me to keep living. Life is strange isn't it? Some people live life to the fullest and then there are people like me who don't even see the point of this life that many people cherish.

I wonder if there will ever be a day where I will appreciate my life. Right now I am not appreciating my life and that's because I know I do not deserve this life.

If God was good, then why am I suffering? Why does God make me suffer every day. If he wanted to help, why doesn't he. If he is all powerful then why is there so much pain in the world? Therefore, is God even real? If he is, he is evil. He is the real devil that the world fears. If he was so real, how come rapist, pedophiles, murders, terrorists etc can walk freely without being condemned.

I have lost all the hope I have ever had in this world.

We are doomed.