Blue Is Not Her Favourite Color

I

An open letter to you my love,

I don't even know how to start this letter.

It's one of those nights again. I'm sorry for being weak. I swear the days are okay but it all just falls on me at night. I am very sad. I miss you so much.

Do you remember that night I told you that you are my greatest love. You have this space in my heart that only you can fill.

If we don't make it in this lifetime, I promise to find and choose you over and over again.

I love you.

What happened to us?

I took a good look at the screen of my laptop, wiping my tears and mustering the courage to hit the enter button but the cowardice took over me.

Maybe some other time.

I closed the laptop in front of me. Took my phone out and started counting the hours since your last message. 189 hours and 18 minutes.

I put my phone on top of my bedside table, stood up and roamed my eyes around my room. I can smell the stale alcohol I left from drinking last night. Cigarettes all over the table and few burns on my carpet. I started cleaning up by picking up my dirty clothes on the floor. I then took the trash and started mopping the floor. I couldn't help but notice our frameless picture stuck on the mirror. We were so happy.

After cleaning up my room, I sat again in front of my computer. I saw the email I was going to send you. I realized I've got so much to say but words can't express how much I miss you.

I miss you so much, Jack.
What happened to us?