If I loved you

Some call it's madness but I call it love

So I went back where New was standing and helped him to enter the cave.

'Sit on the ledge. The floor is dirty and needs a thorough cleaning.'

'Don't waste your energy. Just clear a bit of a portion and that's enough for the two of us.'

I quickly started to throw out those leaves and twigs and the place became a bit presentable.

'Give me the bag. It's okay to light up that lantern now.'

'No need. Just rest for now.' New said with a yawn.

'Fine.' I took the bag and after rummaging for some time found two thick long coat type things. I placed one on the ground and it became our mat.

'Come. Let me help you to sit here. It's more comfortable.'

'No need. I am just fine here. You take....'

But before he finished I grabbed his waist and pulled him up.

'You are burning up again!' I can feel the heat even over his clothes.

'I'll feel better after a good rest.' He sat down with difficulty and I pulled him into my chest.

'Hungry?'

'Nah.'

'Thirsty?'

'Mn.'

'Stay here. I'll be right back.'

'Mn. Take the phone with you.'

'I don't need light. The stream is right next to the cave.' I let him sit comfortably and quickly went to fetch some water.

After drinking water I forced him to eat a piece of bread and I also had to take one to satisfy him.

'The fever is coming and going.' I murmured after touching his forehead.
A few hours ago his temperature was normal.

'Mn....' His head was drooping.

'Sleep baby.'

'Tay.....'

'Yeah?'

'I want to go home.' He leaned on my shoulder and exhaled softly. His whole body is getting hotter and hotter. My heart clenched and I found it difficult to breathe. If a strong boy like him talks like this, then one can easily understand how much he is suffering inside.

I caressed his flushed face and kissed his hot lips.

'If no one comes to rescue us by tomorrow, we'll find our own way to get out of this god forsaken place. I promise.'

'I don't want to be alone with you.' His voice was so soft that I almost missed it.

Huh? I pulled him closer and used the dim light to see his expression. His face was deathly pale and in contrast to that paleness his lips were blood red and eyes were pitch dark.

'Baby, what's wrong?'

'Nothing..'

'You're mad at me?'

'No.'

'Then why did you say something like that?'

But he didn't answer and I really didn't understand what was going on inside his head. Why did he suddenly say that!

'Sleep. You need rest.'

I don't want to think about anything else right now. I gently pulled his body in my lap and started to rub his back.

'Don't.' But he started struggling to get out of my embrace.

'Hey.... don't move so much! Your leg....'

He was doing just fine a while ago! What happened suddenly!

'I want to be alone.' His eyes were closed and his lips were slightly parted. He was gasping for air.

Shit! He is having another episode!

I quickly wrapped my arms around him and said with a low but stern voice,

'New, we talked about this! You won't push me away in times like this.'

After hearing my angry words he stopped moving and slowly opened his eyes.

'Tay....'

'I am not going anywhere.'

His lips were trembling lightly. It was like he wanted to say something but hesitating.

'You shouldn't be alone with me.' After a long pause he finally uttered with difficulty.

Now what's he saying! I really don't understand!

'Newiee.....baby....just rest na?'

'Why don't you understand! I don't want you to be alone! I don't want you to be alone and scared! I want..... I want you to be among people so that they can support you in case of any....anything.... anything happens to me!' He spent all of his energy in shouting those words.

I sat there like lightning struck me in the head. He is not pushing me away....he is trying to protect me....he wants me to be with people so that if anything happens to him I won't be left alone!

'No! Nothing will happen to you! Hey....look at me....Newiee....look at me...!'

'Tay.....try to make a call....' His eyes were pleading.

'Tell me...... what's going on....why are you suddenly saying all this? What's wrong with your body? Let me see your leg.'

But before he could answer me he grabbed my hand and started retching. I tightly held him in my arms and support his body.

After a few minutes he stopped and his body went limp.

'New!'

'Te te .... don't let me fall asleep.' His voice was very tired.

'Why baby?' Tears were coming down without a break from my eyes.

'I just want to stay awake for a while...' He turned his head and said with a faint smile.

'Okay.....okay..... let's not sleep tonight....' I wiped my face roughly and leaned against the cave wall with New on my lap.

'Am I heavy?' New said after settling down. His head was resting on my shoulder and his breath was hitting my neck. I held his waist firmly while rubbing his arms and legs.

'Like a boulder.' I chuckled and kissed his head.

'That much?'

'I am joking. You are not heavy at all rather you become thin in these few days. You need to eat properly from now on.'

'Mn.'

'Is your leg hurting?'

'A bit, yeah.'

'If you're not too tired then tell me what happened in Krabi.' I just wanted him to keep engaged in talking so that he won't fall asleep.

So he started to tell me about his days in Krabi. His voice was low and feeble but he didn't stop for a minute. After almost an hour he said,

'Give me some water.'

'Yeah. But I have to go outside to fetch it. We don't have anything to store the water.'

He slowly slid down from my lap and leaned against the wall.

'Here. If you are feeling cold then wrap it well.' I gave him a spare long coat. He took it and wore it.

I switched on the torch and went outside.

But the moment I stepped out someone grabbed my hand and pulled me aside.

And before I could struggle I saw a small crowd standing near the stream and in front of them.......

Non!