S͞͞a͞͞d͞͞i͞͞s͞͞t͞͞i͞͞c͞͞ R͞͞e͞͞m͞͞i͞͞n͞͞i͞͞s͞͞c͞͞i͞͞n͞͞g͞͞

m e e t i n g s /c.d.

I found the most interest in someone I barely knew.

It was kinda funny how we met. I was high as hell and he was sober as fuck.

I was laying down in the middle of the sidewalk and he was walking by. He would've kept walking but I grabbed his ankle which caused him to fall over. All I remember is laughing and cussing at him for no apparent reason. All he remembers is how upset he was. He could tell I had been taking drugs and he knew he couldn't have any.

So since then I supply him with drugs and he supplies me with faceted thoughts.

We'd meet at a small diner at exactly 2:44 am on a Monday and all we'd have to eat was a fucking sundae. We'd share it of course because germs were the least of our worries.

We wouldn't even greet each other, we'd just comment on random things.

One time we were talking about flowers.

"Flowers are similar to us."

"Well they're alive aren't they?" I retorted.

"Yes but I meant it in another way."

"Well?"

"Depending on the weather they change."

I stared at him clueless. I had already been through 1st grade thank you very much.

"Don't give me that look. I'm not done explaining." He replied as he spooned another pile of ice cream.

"Good."

"So they're like us. Depending on what's happening in our life we change. Let's say a family member dies, that affects us right? Just like when there's snow, the flowers start to wilt away right?"

"The flowers die. They just die Cameron."

"I'm getting there. See, we're also very different from them. One storm comes and the flowers are gone. But we, we aren't that easy to break. Something bad happens, we just change and get over it. Something bad happens to the flowers- they're gone."

"But some people are easier to break than others."

"Just like some flowers. When a storm comes sometimes some flowers still live. Some don't. Just like us."

I nodded. "And sometimes they all die."

"True. But then when there's sunshine, they come back. A person can have something bad happen and they're practically gone, but when something really good happens it's like they're brought back to life."

"But a few never return. The sunshine can't help nor anything really good. The flowers just die and the people just end their lives. And then all of it happens over and over again. I'm waiting for something to happen that ends this viscous cycle of life. I don't know what it is or if its possible but hey, there's always a chance."

"Always a chance." He repeated as he looked directly at me for the first time.

I stared back at him before I weakly smiled and got up. He never let me pay for the sundae so I stopped trying to several meetings ago.

I remember that specific meeting very well, because it was our last.

I returned back there several more times and that's when I realized I didn't even know him. I had no contact information and I didn't even know his age.

It's kinda funny how someone you know so little about could be the one person you cared for the most.

I stopped going after 10 more times when I decided to give up. That's also when I found out who he really was and why he actually liked me.

He's famous. And I didn't know that so he knew I appreciated him for more than just his pretty face. I appreciated him for who he really was.

You think I'd be okay with this right? Well this was the worst thing that could've happened.

I received a letter with no return address the other day.

Dear Mel,
I knew our meetings couldn't last any longer because it was only a matter of time before you found out. I know this wasn't what you were expecting but things happen right? I guess I'm just trying to make myself feel better. You deserve better. You don't deserve such a lame goodbye. Scratch the goodbye. I don't want this to be a goodbye but maybe for you it is? Truth is, I want you to find me. I want you to come to me and say how much you miss our meetings. How much you miss me, because I sure as hell miss you. In fact I think I love you. I know we don't know each other that well, but we know each others thoughts and I think that's more important because that is really what a person is made up of. His/or her thoughts. Not some shitty "I like this and that and I hate that" description but what they think about. Their thoughts are who they are, what they're made up of. And I'd like to think I know you better than anyone ever will. With that, I await your company. I travel all over the place you just have to find me if you want. That's why I'm not telling you where I am, because I want it to be something you truly want. I want you to want me the way I want you. And I've thought this through a million times. And I've realized how stupid this is, but then I remember- there's "always a chance."
~Cameron.

I've read the last line again and again hope there is actually a chance. And I've come to a conclusion that there isn't. Or maybe there is, it's just a matter of not wanting that chance.

No doubt in my mind that I want Cameron as much as he wants me but there is a doubt about chance.

Just like the flowers,
"the sunshine can't help nor anything really good. The flowers just die and the people just end their lives."
Just like me.

----

Holy shit, writing this was very draining. I really love this. I guess maybe it's more personal. But again, you know what happened to her¿? Yeah you do. Just read more into context. I'm tricky with endings aren't I? I like people to imagine their own endings or figure it out themselves. So really you could think anything happened to her even though there is something that actually happened. SO- thank you so much for reading this¡! Comment what you thought/ any suggestions. Thanx again babes I truly appreciate each and every one of you.
Stay full of emotion
~ Tamara <3