Where Did I Go Wrong?

Chapter 1

Chapter One

Tears filled my eyes, causing me to go blind. Tear laced snot slid down my throat, making me choke. My body shook with as my body tried to discharge the mucus. Once I could breathe again, I started to cry harder. 

My entire body hurt. Every inch. And no medicine could relieve me. My heart felt as though it was bursting out of my chest and my limps ached worse than after I hiked for twelve hours with Dustin.

Dustin... 

My best friend, Cassy, sat next to me, rubbing my back. "It's going to be okay, honey," she whispered.

"No it's not!" I shrieked, throwing the pillow I was cradling in my arms. I'm a senior in college but right now I feel like a child. Crying over boys and throwing tantrums. It wasn't me.

Cassy put my head in her hands, forcing me to look her in the eyes. My body still shook and pain controlled my entire body. 

Cassy brushed my hair behind my ears, pulling me closer to her. She gave me a box of Kleenex and an ice cream tub filled with my favorite--cookies n'cream--with a spoon already in it. She rubbed my back as I wiped my face, taking bites of ice cream when I felt the tears arising again.

"I just don't know where I went wrong," I whispered, staring at the tub of ice cream. "We dated for five years! We talked about having kids together and getting married. He told me he was planning to propose after get out of college. We survived the stress of high school and the stress of moving on to college. I just..."

"I believe you did nothing wrong. Sometimes people stay together for a long time but they're not meant for each other. And the reality, of well, reality, can really scare people. Maybe the relationship was meant for being in school, not real life. Dustin was a great guy, but there were some things about your relationship that you ignored. Yes, you dated for five years. Yes, you went through hell and back. Yes, you planned out your future with him. But, plans change. You're still young and beautiful and there is someone out there better than Dustin waiting for you."

I looked at Cassy with tear filled eyes and forced myself to smile at her. I have no idea how I'll survive real life without her. We're sorority sisters. During rush week we stuck by each other, making small talk. When we got into the same house, our relationship bloomed. If it wasn't for the fact I have, well had, an apartment with Dustin, I would be living with her in the house. 

"I can remember the first time I met him," I said, biting my lip to conceal my smile. The memory was so fresh in my head it was almost as if it happened yesterday rather than four years ago. 

"Do you think talking about your relationship will help?" she asked me, resting her hand on top of mine.

I shrugged, the thought of Dustin making me happy and sad at the same time. "Maybe. It could help me figure out where I went wrong."

"You didn't go wrong, honey. But, I am here to listen. Start with when you first met him."

"Okay," I said.

It was the first day of junior year. My parents had bought me a black, two door Jeep Wrangler with a black hard top for my birthday. I was ecstatic to be a junior. A big bad upperclassman. Halfway done with high school. College was so close I could almost taste it. Or maybe what I was tasting was the four AP classes I was taking. Either way, I was excited that with each passing day I was closer to graduating.

I had plenty of friends but I was more of an introvert, spending any time I could get by myself. Mostly I studied to read books or watched the occasional TV show. Over the summer I had gotten a job at the local frozen yogurt shop and worked every day, racking up money to save for college.