If At First

Part 16 - Chapter 15

"What do you want from me? I don't live here, this...this isn't me. It has nothing to do with you." I scowled, "Besides, you're the one leaving. I'm just following suit."

"Yes, but I'm coming back. Are you?"

I didn't respond immediately. Haven observed me for a few short moments in searching deliberation. "No," I finally answered, "I'm not." It was better this way. I needed to cut myself off from him, he didn't have to know everything.

He took a half-step, reaching out with an impulsive hand, and dropped it. He opened his mouth as if to say something and stopped before he even inhaled. In that split-second, I wanted to jump up and run into his arms. I wanted to feel him, his warmth, his skin. Instead, I watched him without moving, and carefully committed every part of him to memory.

He sighed unexpectedly and turned. "Jack, Come!" He commanded before disappearing through the door, Jack at his heels. Jack stopped at the corner to look back at me with flattened ears and lowered tail, whining pathetically. "Jack!" Haven ordered, and Jack was compelled to obey.

He didn't even say goodbye, and I knew it was my fault. The whole thing was definitely my fault. A pang of anguish shot through me with a force that knocked me to my knees, and I tried to smother it. Tried to tell myself I was doing it for his benefit. I longed so desperately for him to never know who I truly was, and at the same time I wanted to tell him everything. And now I had no choice. I left myself with no choice.

Of course I knew I could trust him, it was me I didn't trust. I could have told him the truth any time this last week. Hell, I could have said it just now, it was like he was silently begging me to. But I didn't, and now he's gone.

No, Tabby, focus. You have to focus.

Nursing a broken heart would take more time and energy than I could survive right now. I'd have to push it aside and kick myself later. First priority, help Andy. Second priority, disappear.

I couldn't get a hold of Danni. No matter how forcefully I mentally conveyed my need for the connection, I couldn't get her. And now, try as I might, I couldn't find Andy anywhere either. I'd just reached the brink of thinking he may have actually left the house, when I finally tracked him down in the game room shooting pool with Doug.

"You never said I couldn't have Doug come here," Andy said with a roguish smile.

"Hey Doug." I said.

Doug came around the table, pool cue in hand and arms spread wide, to grace me with a friendly hug that lingered just a second too long.

Andy raised an eyebrow at that. "Don't force me to remove your limbs, Doug." He said, lining up his next shot, "I don't like you that much."

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard it before."

Andy glanced up, frowning, "Not from me,"

"Would it shock you to hear you're not the only person I know?"

"Doug, where's the closest airport?" I interjected. Andy froze and eyed me suspiciously.

"Airport? You going somewhere?"

"No, but something's come up at home and Andy has to get back. I was just trying to think of the fastest way."

Both Andy and Doug were looking at me now, Andy in total bewilderment and Doug in contemplation.

"I guess the closest one would be up at the Casey's Lodge but you can't exactly just show up there and hop on a plane. Other than that, the nearest one's about an hour train ride away."