Stuck At The 9th Step

CHAPTER 51 : SHINN

I nodded hesitantly. Sa kanya ko natutunan ang lengwaheng hindi pamilyar sa ibang myembro ng pamilya. Hindi nila alam na sinusumpa ko na sila nang harap-harapan. Those were the times that she tries to ease my anger towards my family. There were only three person who luckily got my affection. My eldest brother, my only sister and nanny. She was the only person whom I consider my best friend aside from Armour and Rome. She's old but kind enough compare to the rest of my family who never seemed to care. More likeable compare to my own mother. The barrier between me and my other siblings had grown thicker when the whole clan knew my excessive gift on learning.

Perhaps, because of insecurity. Ang kaibahan ko ang nagpalaki ng distansya sa aming magkakapatid. I excel most of the time. May mga bagay akong nagagawa na mahira para sa kanila. Getting close with them was hard. I never had friends either. I had this adverse thought that my parents casually destroyed my 'supposed-to-be-childhood-memories and they weren't even guilty upon doing it.

My initial rebellion starts when I was twelve. I intentionally failed my grades to make my first bad impression. I wasn't use to it but nevertheless a real thriller. My back receives the first fourteen lash of whip afterwards given by my own father. He lashed me in front of my younger siblings. They thought they could make me bow down by using slash-and-burn tactics. Sad to say, I didn't. Hindi ako magpapapigil. Gagawin ko kung ano ang gusto ko, hindi ang gusto nila. I won't give them satisfaction, not after what they'd already done. I've gone that far and to pass every record had been my goal. I don't wait for moments. I create them.

"Get a grip, my boy." Armour playfully ruffles my hair. My eldest brother. Sa tatlong lalaking kapatid na nakatatand sa akin, siya lang ang nakakausap ko ng matino. He tolerates my whims. "You're giving us a hard time. Seems like trouble has more significance to you by now."

"Yeah." I croaked. "Along with a series of whip."

Concern dashes in his silver colored eye, but he was holding it back. He was more conspicuous than me. I prefer mystery than drama and I refuse to be showy, so did he. Armour gave up a sly smile instead. "What made you do those things?"

"I want freedom."

"Badly?"

"Desperately."

He sighed. "You're only fourteen."

"And you're a thirty year old puppet on the string. What difference does it make? Who's in the worst case?" Umiwas ako nang tingin at pinagtuunan ng pansin ang librong binabasa ko.

He smiles again. I boldly stared at him. "A smart kid with a bad mouth. Dad says you are getting worst and you just proved him right."

"I'm smarter than you but I refused to be use. I'm not going to take your footsteps. I won't even dare." I grinned.  "If father couldn't handle me at my worst, then I feel sorry for him. Because my worst isn't even as bad as I can get."

"You sounded like a man who's willing to commit a crime. You're still young Elis."

I didn't answer Armour. I looked up to him, admiring him in each and every way but I suddenly realized that he is not that beau ideal. I wondered why brother let my parents control his life when he could defy them a long time ago. Kung ako 'yon, pinabagsak ko na ang lahat ng negosyo namin nang makita nila ang hinahanap nila. Armour was smart. As the eldest son, he gets a bigger share of inheritance. He could've use the money and power which has been legally entitled to him when he turned twenty-one. I question it once and I didn't expect the reason behind it. There was a hidden agenda. My brother planned something. Planong para sa akin lang.

Armour was diagnosed with brain cancer a year after. He didn't let us know, not until it got worse. He didn't want to go through series of surgeries. Pinipilit siyang magpa-opera ng buong pamilya pero ayaw niya. It was like he was already expecting his death. I got mad at him. So mad that I didn't bother to visit him. Not even once. Hindi ko kasi matanggap na maspipiliin niya pa ang mamatay gayong kaya naming magbayad sa kahit na sinong doktor para mabuhay siya. He should've considered the operation. Maybe, he wasn't that smart at all. I want him to live but the fool wants to die sooner than the doctor's prognosis. Sinong baliw ang gusto ng gano'n? Obviously, Armour.