(9-1-1 Buddie Fic) Silent Night

Silent Night

Buck had never thought he would actually get to this point. His whole life had been about feeling unwanted and then all of a sudden he's thrown into the best family he's ever had.
Now, sure he's had some bumps along the way, but God didn't that make it all the better when the team did stay through them. He could never see himself leaving them willingly and tonight, curled up in Eddie's- no, his and Eddie's bed, he certainly didn't think that the most peaceful place in his life would turn into a breeding ground for angst and unruly nightmares.
It starts with the fourth of July weekend and everything crumbles from there.
Buck tries not to be overbearing. He knows he can get to be - exhausting - and with his newfound place in Eddie and Christopher's life he can't help but worry he'll lose it. So he tries to ignore when he sees Eddie suppress a flinch when a car backfires outside of the station. He knows that pointing it out won't do Eddie any good right now so he resolves to just keep an eye on him instead.
Things worsen when the 118 gets called out to a firework injury at a park downtown. The whole call Buck is focussed on the eyes of his boyfriend, searching the man's vacant face for a sign of the potential panic he might be having. And the thing about Eddie is that it'll be a cold day in hell before he lets someone know that something is wrong. He's working on it of course, Frank(his therapist) and him doing exercises in therapy of how he might be able to approach peeling back some of those layers. Afghanistan had done a number on Eddie in more ways than one and Buck tries his hardest to offer a shoulder from the view of someone who still just can't get it in the way that Eddie does.
It's while they're maintaining the perimeter to make sure no social media frenzied facebook moms can take videos of the poor patient who blew a few of his fingers off. Hen and Chim are taking care of the patient under Bobby's supervision. Bobby, who is looking at Eddie with the same concern as Buck is.
Suddenly the sky splits with a deep blue and the resounding bang almost sends Eddie to his knees. Immediately his eyes find Buck's and they drag up and down his uniform as if he's searching for a bullet wound that won't be there.
"Eddie?" Buck's voice comes out more shaky than he intended, but no one could blame him. Not when Eddie's eyes are glazed over with a look of someone who's a million miles away. The man doesn't respond of course and the sound of a police cruiser's siren suddenly splits the tension in the air.
"Buckley, Diaz, head to the truck while we finish this up." Under any other circumstances Eddie would know that this was Bobby's poorly concealed way of getting him to cool down so he didn't go into a full blown panic attack. Buck can read through it easily though and he drags Eddie to the rig before the man can even question the weird order of proceedings.
"Eddie, you okay?" Buck grabs the other man's hands in an attempt to ground him. Eddie's gaze snaps up to him as if he just realized that he was there too. Immediately his eyes soften and he nods.
"I'm fine Buck, just tired." And the slightly irritated tone in his voice is enough for Buck to back off for the rest of the shift. The words 'you're exhausting' float around in his head every time he thinks about asking again and he finds himself keeping a distance 'till their shift ends.

Dinner is a simple Thai takeout as both men are exhausted after a holiday shift. Christopher decided to go to a friend's house leaving the two unconcerned about the nutritional value of the meal. It almost feels like they can forget about how the call went earlier and Buck tries to push any leftover worries from his mind.

To Eddie's credit, when the next round of fireworks can be heard over the shitty dating show they turned on to make fun of he simply rolls his eyes. Buck feels the stress leave his body at Eddie's nonchalant reaction. He makes an off-handed comment about the potential 50,000 dollar fine for using fireworks in L.A. county without a permit. Against his better judgment the younger man finally relaxes and tries to enjoy the night before another shift tomorrow.

And Buck almost forgets about all of the stress and worry until later that night when he wakes with a start and bleary eyes that find his alarm clock reading 3:56 AM. At first he doesn't realize what exactly woke him, but turning to Eddie he finally understands. The other man looks almost peaceful if you don't know him. But Buck does, and the crease between Eddie's eyes always disappears when he's asleep, so it doesn't exactly surprise him when the older man starts to toss and turn in his sleep.