Why are you like this

Why are you like this cpt.1

All of my life I've felt like I've never belonged even as a child, I was different, no one likes a different child everyone acts like they have a disease, was I really that bad, I've asked myself this my whole life wondering why no one ever liked me, I've always been over weight even as a toddler I've never been skinny, maybe if I was skinny they would like me? Well enough about me rambling let's get to the place this all started the hell hole that is called school.

"Lola, wake up it's time for school" my mother shakes my limp body awake as I open my eyes all I can see is a bright light blinding me as my eyes adjust, mornings. I hate mornings, morning are the worst your mothers rushing you all the time you're overwhelmed over every little tiny aspect of getting ready trying to keep everything into your routine but of course you mess up with your mother shouting "hurry up!!!" Every 5 seconds, I sit up to look at my mother "good morning" I mutter tiredly as I stand up and walk towards the uniform that are neatly folded at the end of my bed, I look to my mother as she walks out of the room as she goes to wake my sister up I move my attention back to the uniform and I pick up the sports bra on the top of the pile, I wear sports bras as the normal bras feel yucky they are way to tight and they are too restrictive it makes me want to crawl into a ball and never be bothered again so I opted for the non sensory nightmare which is sports bras, I lift my shirt up and toss it to the floor honestly not caring about the mess but obviously I'm going to be annoyed about cleaning it later, I grab the underwear my mother picked out for me, i grab the skirt and put it on, I hate skirts. Skirts are so uncomfortable they are cold but warm at the same time sensory hell but, of course the school forces you to wear them as "girls are supposed to wear skirts" blah blah blah no one cares Mrs Howell, I put on the polo shirt onto my body and I put my socks on, ugh I hate socks the stitching that goes by your toes are so uncomfortable and yucky it makes my skin crawl so I spend over 10 minutes putting socks on to find a less yucky place, once I find a okay feeling I put my shoes on, I look over to my Disney back pack and go over to my desk and grab my pencil case of course it's Disney themed I put the pencil case into my bag and run downstairs as my mother conveniently shouts "Lola hurry up!!!!!" This completely ruined my mood but I continue to walk to the kitchen where I eat my cereal and then walk to school with my mother.

Once we get to the school I walk inside the teacher says welcome to year 1 as I look around everyone's already made friends and are talking to each other, have I? Of course not, so I walk over to a desk and sit there alone waiting for class to start, I'll skip to break as no one wants to hear about 1+4 = 5 and blah blah blah

Once I get to the yard I just sit on the concrete looking at everyone being happy, why can't I be happy..? Why can't I be like everyone else, I hear someone comment on why I'm flapping my hands, I didn't even realise I was doing it, doesn't everyone act like this..?

As the bell goes I stand up and skip to class with the teacher someone in my class is wearing a badge saying happy 6th birthday will I say happy birthday? No but I really want too, oh I haven't even said I'm 6 too! Haha silly me how could I forget to mention.

I'll skip the rest of the school day as it's pretty much the same

As the bell goes I walk to the school gates to see my mother standing there and I walk to her and of course she's chatting with another parent so I just stand next to her zoning out, this is so boring that I might die, once my mother finally finishes talking we start to walk home, as we get inside the act comes off my walls break down I start to act out by kicking and screaming letting out all of my pent up emotions out from the previous gruelling hours of school, this just makes my mother angry so I get put into time out and so off I go storming off upstairs crying, I slump into my bed and just proceeds to cry into the pillow for 10 minutes until I can't no more so then I decide to go to my play house and grab my Barbie's I pretend Barbie's husband cheated on her and she starts to cry so she storms out of the house with all of her belongings but she ends up getting run over by a car oh no that's so tragic, but soon enough I get bored of that so I grab my I pad and start watching YouTube, I soon get tired so I soon decide to go get my pyjamas on and crawl into bed and fall into a deep sleep

1 hour into my nap I'm suddenly awoken by my mother saying foods done so I go downstairs to go eat and she's made chicken nuggets and smily fries, once I'm done eating my gourmet food I walk upstairs and go into my bedroom to try and go back to my warm comfy nap as soon as I sit into my bed I feel the tiredness slipping back into my body as I feel Intoxicated by tiredness, my body slumps onto my pillow and soon enough I'm sleeping like a baby.

(Thanks for reading chapter 1 I appreciate it ❤️)