Withering without you

Who am i Really.

Is it so usual for life to be this sad? This unfair?
I've been asking myself various questions ever since I woke up and found you not by my side.

My Name is Nuhair,you can call me the unluckiest girl on this earth if you like,that's more suitable actually. 'Earth' no, this place is supposed to be called 'hell' instead. God forgive me. Throughout my whole life,I've been that girl who really believe in love, I totally believed in true love, I honestly believe it'd happen to me. Yes, call me delusional (that's what I am) but I really didn't care in what form it might come, be it as a forced marriage, Arranged marriage, my willful marriage, or even marrying a psychopath, it all doesn't matter to me. I just wanted Someone to be obsessed with me, be it at the beginning or in the end. Let me feel that feeling even if it's once,just once. (I'm prolly the psychopath here) is it a crime to want to love? To want to feel love? To want to be loved? I was a lover girl for real for real, maybe I still am. But I totally doubt it, cause I'm going crazyyyy!!!

Less talk,let me take you through my pain,then you can later decide on your own, if I deserve it or not, If it's just a normal part of life that I should just accept and move on or not, if I'm such an ungrateful human or not, if I whine alone or not, but fyi I don't even feel it anymore, I don't feel judged no matter what who said.

"Look I told you before,and I'd tell you this again,I WONT JUDGE YOU! I'm human, I have feelings too. So why will I judge anyone?"...hehehe *chuckles internally*
"That's what everyone says,but I'd still go ahead to tell you,cause I badly need to talk to someone" "I'm all ears baby" "you don't even know me too well,so quit calling me baby"

Let me first tell you about myself before diving into the whole traumatic story,well my birth is even a traumatic one also I forgot. Tehehee. I always thought my parents were the best, I mean they might still be but I highly doubt that. I grew up in a family of ten, my mum,dad, and seven other siblings with me making us ten. Ugh well it wasn't much of a fun journey. I've always been the type that's very silent and hardly speaks up unless necessary. Not that I'm not loved by my family, they do love me, or so they say. I am not particularly close to anyone I prefer staying by myself, my aunt even told me that when I was a kid I usually play by myself and I wasn't so surprised too, cause I grew up with zero friends. Maybe that's just how God created me or that's how I chose to be, I don't really know.

Going back to the reason that made my birth traumatic. I was told, well uhh by my siblings that on the day I was born, our house caught fire out of no where, my mum was in the restroom and couldn't get out on time, with me bulging up in her stomach making it harder for her, although no one knew what caused the fire,some people still blame it on me,saying that my birth was a sign of bad luck cause even my mum got pregnant by accident, she never planned on having me. Uhh well that's all about that. But no matter how much of a loner I was, there're some major events that took place in my life making it some what eventful eventually leading to the present me.

Please vote,comment and tell me what you think about my little baby.🥹❤️
I love y'all muahhhh.😚❤️