Right Where He Belong

Una't Huli

Ezekiel G. Chiu, my gay best friend. I consider him an exception when it comes to guys.
"In a world of boys, he's a gentleman."

Though, he's not a "man" by heart. He was my 'girl' bestfriend rather.
He prefers being addressed as a boy, with the reason that no one else knew about his sexuality.

Sa umpisa, nalungkot ako, dahil sino nga ba ang magaakalang ang heartrob ng school campus na siya ring gusto 'ko, ay nagmamahal rin pala ng lalaki?

It was more of disappointment about how I knew that I had no chance of being with him, and not because he was gay.

The worst part of it all was the time he confessed about his sexuality the moment I finally got the courage to tell him about how I feel. It was as if I lost my voice.

Gayunpaman, pinili 'ko paring suportahan siya. Dahil sabi nga nila, kapag ang isang tao, nagmahal, gagawin niya ang lahat kahit pa nasasaktan na siya para lang mapasaya ang minamahal niya. "Magmahal ng walang kapalit".

I supported him for 2 years already, its been so long since that day.
We laughed, cried and celebrated together during those years. We were practically sisters. As time passed, I thought my feelings for him will eventually fade away, but who knew fate would be so cruel?
Not only did my feelings not disappear, but it even got stronger.

"Uhmm.. Kiel? What if may umamin sa'yo na babae na gusto ka niya, ano gagawin mo? Ano sasabihin mo?" Mahinang tanong 'ko sa kaniya, habang pareho kaming nakaupo sa may bench sa park, sa ilalim ng maliwanag na buwan.

"Hmmm.."
"Sasabihin 'ko may girlfriend na ako" sagot niya, sabay ngiti.

"Paano pag tinanong niya kung sino yung girlfriend na 'yun?" sunod na tanong 'ko.

Lumingon siya sa sa'kin, sabay tingin.
"Edi sasabihin 'ko ikaw"

I still remember those words he said to me that night.
Oh how I wanted to tell him about everything. How I wished what he said was true.

"Uyy! Clea! Picturan mo nga ako dito sa may fountain"

"Mhm, sige!" ilinabas 'ko ang polaroid camera 'ko, sabay bilang.
"One.. Two.. Three! Pose!"

Matapos 'ko siyang kuhanan ng litrato, mabilis siyang tumakbo sa'kin para tignan yung film, na siya namang pinapagpag 'ko sa ere.

"Tingin nga" nakangiting sabi niya.

Kinuha niya ang litrato mula sa kamay 'ko at nakangiting pinagmasdan ito.

I saw a glimpse of his smile. It was as sweet as ever. His smile that could even melt Antarctica. His smiles were so pure, and so were his eyes. They shine bright as the sun at day, and as the stars at night.

"Ano? Okay ba?" tanong 'ko.

Tumango lamang siya. At walang pasabi, biglaan niya akong yinakap.

"Thank you, Clea! Life would never be so colorful if it weren't for you" he calmly said, patting my back, hugging me tightly.

"Ano ka ba, we're friends! That's what friends are for!" I replied, fighting the urge to cry.

My ironic words strucked me as hard as lightning. It was like a stab in the heart.

Everyday, I suffered. Para bang linoloko 'ko ang sarili 'ko, I kept telling myself I shouldn't be doing this and that, I shouldn't be liking him, he is my bestfriend, and he would never be with me even if he wasn't my bestfriend.

It hurts, loving someone who will never love you back the same way. He might love me, but as a friend, and no more than that. That is the painful truth I had to face.