LOST ON YOU

1

So, here's the latest scoop in my life: there's this bizarre trend on the internet called "Let's Pretend You're Kai Beckham's Girlfriend." Sounds ridiculous, right? Well, buckle up, because it gets weirder.

Basically, these models from all corners of the globe are hopping on the bandwagon. Wherever I go – London, Manchester, you name it – they miraculously appear, posting pictures as if they're right by my side. They're even sneaking shots from my games and adding captions that make it seem like we're a couple.

I mean, talk about surreal. In the past three months alone, the world has apparently discovered three new "girlfriends" for me, none of whom I've even heard of. Seriously, can someone please tell me how to unsubscribe from this madness?

It's like I've been cast in some bizarre rom-com where I'm the unwitting heartbreaker, except I never got the script memo. Seriously, everyone seems to think I'm this guy who's juggling multiple relationships when, in reality, I'm just trying to navigate life like any other twenty-something.

The whole mess came to my attention thanks to Mom, of all people. She stumbled upon it somewhere and innocently asked about my latest flame. It took some serious convincing to assure her that I had no clue what she was on about.

Mom, being the superhero she is, promptly reported the whole debacle to my management team. They're now on a mission to salvage my reputation and scrub away this undeserved bad-boy image.

Now, onto the season – let's just say we're knee-deep in mud. It's like our club went from top dog to underdog overnight. I'm not sure how we managed to fall from grace so spectacularly, but here we are, trying to claw our way back up.

As much as I'd like to speak up, it's not exactly easy to waltz up to the manager and drop some truth bombs. But let me tell you, it's getting harder to bite my tongue. The decisions he's making for the team? Let's just say they're about as clear as mud, and it's starting to take a toll on all of us.

Sure, we managed to scrape by with a draw against Spurs, but let's not sugarcoat it – that's not exactly a victory dance-worthy result. Back in the day, we'd be wiping the floor with teams like that. Now? We're just hanging on for dear life, all thanks to some questionable calls from the top.

And don't even get me started on how it's affecting my game. Picture this: I'm in the zone, playing my heart out, and then out of nowhere, the manager decides to sub me out in the 70th minute. Seriously, what the actual fuck, Ten Hag?

With the English camp looming on the horizon, there's a whole bunch of young talent gunning for a spot in the Three Lions squad – myself included.

But with the way Ten Hag's been steering my career lately, I can't help but wonder if my dreams of donning that England jersey again are slipping through my fingers, even though I'm currently topping the league's scoring charts.

And let me tell you, I'm not one to shy away from voicing my opinions, especially when it comes to questionable managerial decisions. It's become quite the hot topic, both on and off the field.

There's even this article floating around about me and Ten Hag supposedly having a beef. I'll admit, it's pretty amusing – and hey, maybe there's a bit of truth in there somewhere. Who knows?

~

In the showdown between Manchester United and Spurs, the match ended in a 2-2 draw, with both goals credited to none other than Kai Beckham. One was a jaw-dropping free kick, beautifully curled into the top bins, while the other came from a stellar pass by Bruno Fernandes, expertly finished off by Beckham.