Broken Ties, Mended Hearts

chapter 1: life

TW: abuse. Religion. Swearing. Mentions of the word "die" and implied starving of kids.

"Maria!" Mama yelled from downstairs. I didn't care though. I wanted to lay in bed until I felt like getting up. I wanted to skip school and sleep in. I heard footsteps then, moms classic 4 sounded knock on my door. I rolled my eyes and closed them, to act like I was asleep. I didn't sleep that night. I was too busy thinking of the fact everyone only cares about me when no one would talk with them. The fact that I was the last choice in everyone's life.

"Maria! Get your butt up! Now! You have school!" She said pulling the covers off me. I turned around and squinted my eyes
"mmm can't I stay here...?" I say in a sleepy, tired voice.
"If you stay here then that means I stay here and take you to the doctor. And if you're faking your gonna wish you weren't."

I knew what that meant. I knew all about what that meant from so many different times, and years. I sighed and sat up as she smiled and walked out the door closing it. I got up and went to my dresser and opened it. Shirts and shirts and shirts, all of which I didn't like. Some too girly, others to preppy. Nothing that would make me fit in. Nothing like a crop top or a shirt with a skull on it. Or even something that said "messy hair don't care." I grabbed a dark blue shirt, my favorite shirt since it's the closest thing I can get to black. The only black clothes I'm allowed to wear are ones for funerals.

I open my leggings draw. It's Friday, and I haven't shaved my legs, so leggings will have to be done for P.E. I put a bra, the shirt and the leggings on. I turn to my brush laid on the floor. I picked it and started to brush my hair. Not like it needed it. The curls and curls of what is my hair are way better not brushed. Because when it is brushed, since no one taught me how to properly brush this mop of a head, it just poofs and gets all fluff-ey. Meanings it's a mess. I put it up in a tight ponytail, that's gonna get ruined in P.E. and I walked out of my room.

I went down stairs and to my surprise mom made eggs. Not good eggs the way I liked them but hey! It's something at least. I grab my plate and go into the living room where the news is on. It's talking about shit I don't give a shit about. I tune it out as I eat. Thinking about the fact I didn't get my homework done. That explains why I'm so hungry! I didn't have dinner! I finish it up and I go back upstairs.

I go into the bathroom and brush my teeth and put deodorant on. It's Friday so even tho I really want to put makeup on to cover up the freckles, the starting of new zits and the healing of others, I force myself to walk out without putting any on. It's the only way I will get a bit of confidence in basketball, to not have makeup on.

I get my backpack and I go downstairs. My brothers are all waiting on me. They're all in high school. Malachi a senior, Jamie a junior, James a sophomore then there's me, who's in 8th grade. We all go to the same k-12th grade school. An academy, a Christian academy. Which I hate. I wish I could go back in time to three years ago when I was the tie breaker between going to this school and staying in public school. I wish I would've said no, but instead I said yes and here I am, knowing for a fact if I would've stayed I'd have friends. I have a life. I've already snuck out millions of times. Had my first kiss. Came out more openly. But no! I had to go to this school.

Maley drives us to school and parks in the student parking area. We all walk in through the front door and I unpack everything into my locker, I also notice that the old ladies are doing another sale in the gym today which means no P.E. My brothers Carrie their bag all day and I do not see how they do it. I couldn't. I tried last year and my back could not take it. Plus after I heard Elaine broke her back because of it, I was a bit scared to carry it all day.

I get out my first period books, and my water bottle, and head to the homeroom. When I get there Kathy, Kevin, and Carla are already there. I sit in front of Kathy and give her a look. She gets out hey literature book and hands me the homework from the previous night. I carefully write down the answers making sure it doesn't look like I copied it all down.