elon musk x the wolf

chapter one and only

"gawrsh, I sure am hungry," thought the wolf, who's favourite Disney character was Goofy.
unfortunately, as he couldn't work because he doesn't have opposable thumbs, he only had the money for a coffee.

his only method of making money - killing and eating local grandmothers - had gone bust. he had hustled too much, and ate up every single one! the wolf was going to have to wait for a new generation of grandmas before he could eat again, because he was far too much of a coward to eat anyone else. even grandpas. what if they fought back?! that little bitch in the red hood sure did, and boy was it scary! although she did throw her bread basket at him, which turned out to be a nice treat. it did make his tummy a little sore though... guess wolves aren't meant to eat bread or whatever. that's what WebMD said, anyway.

"thafolf!" the barista called, slamming the wolf's coffee onto the counter. as he walked over to pick it up, he sighed. they never get his name right!

the wolf removed the lid from his takeaway cup and threw it in the bin, beginning to lap at his coffee like a kitten drowning in a milk jug. whatever that means. that's when something caught his eye - or rather, his nose. he sniffed the air, ignoring the strange stares he was receiving from his fellow coffee patrons. he had caught of a whiff of something. money.

seconds later, he saw the culprit. it was Elon Musk, stepping out of his Tesla in the doorway of the coffee shop, his pockets almost exploding from trying to contain his billions of dollars which he keeps on his person at all times to flex on the poor. the wolf licked his lips - there was only one thing he loved more than grandmas... and that was milfs. oh no, sorry, there were two things he loved more than grandmas. milfs... and money. and Elon Musk had lots of it. Elon locked eyes with the wolf as he strutted past on the red carpet which his mars rover slaves were laying out for him, smirking as he passed. the wolf was confused. he'd never seen or smelt Elon Musk in his town before - maybe he was new here? Elon certainly did have a musk about him that was hard to miss. caught up in his thoughts, the wolf suddenly stopped at the doorway.

"hey, can you please move your Tesla out of the doorway so I can leave?" the wolf asked politely.

"no." Elon Musk replied.

the wolf powered up and charged at the window, breaking his way out of the coffee shop. he hoped they could get that fixed before he came back tomorrow morning, as he was a regular and always got his coffee from that shop. luckily, they did. pop off coffee shop owners.

the wolf returned to the coffee shop every day for months, which is why he can't afford a house. very irresponsible spending. Elon Musk also returned daily which is fine because he's rich. each day, the wolf would think "my, my, how much money you have, Elon" and "how big and tasty-looking you have gotten, Elon". and each day, his tummy would grumble more and more. keep in mind he literally has not eaten in months do you know how painful that would be??? which explains what happens next.

it was Tuesday May 24th - a chilly day in the wolf's town. to combat the cold, he had put on his best, cosiest grandma robe, glasses, and shower cap. as he warmed his hands and tongue on his black coffee, the wolf once again watched Elon Musk pull his Tesla up to the doorway of the coffee shop. his mars rover slaves began to roll out his red carpet, but they accidentally rolled it over top of the wolf's left foot. Elon Musk didn't check for bumps in his carpet as he was walking, and as a result he just totally stepped on the wolf's toes, full force and everything.

"ouch!" the wolf said, pulling his foot out from underneath the red carpet. under his fur, his foot was surely matching the colour of the carpet. that hurt so bad!

Elon stopped in his tracks, not used to anyone speaking in his presence. I guess he doesn't have many friends or whatever. he side-eyed the wolf.

"quite the mouth you have on you there, you little old grandma hag," he muttered.

a flip switched in the wolf. before his eyes, Elon Musk transformed into Little Red Riding Hood, the girl that had fought him over her grandma and made him cry. he would not let her win. no, not this time. he straightened his posture, bared his coffee-stained teeth, and roared, "all the better to EAT YOU WITH!"

and then he chomped down on Elon Musk. he couldn't quite fit him all into his mouth in one go so he did have to take a couple bites. Elon's mars rover slaves were kicking the wolf's shins with their little arms but they couldn't do much to help their master. as the wolf swallowed down Elon's expensive shoes - the last bite - he felt a surge of satisfaction. not only had he finally killed a man, he was also no longer hungry. he did eat the money in Elon's pockets accidentally but it would be fine, he could always make more.

the wolf watched in pride as the other coffee shop patrons screamed and ran in circles, unable to escape past Elon's Tesla. the baristas cried seeing the monster thafolf had become, after they had so fondly served him over the years. but the wolf reveled in the chaos. a new life was ahead of him. he would never be hungry or broke again. the wolf choked up Elon's car keys (if you even need a key for Teslas idk how they work), placed them in the ignition, and pulled his grandma glasses down to the end of his snout to wink at everyone as he sped away.

"ahhh, this is the life," thought the wolf. "finally the rich helping the poor."