The Deal

Chapter Thirty Six

I've been violently nauseous which thankfully has seemed to have subsided but my lack of appetite is still lingering. I've just about rammed my head into every object in my room but didn't need to anymore when the most skull gnawing headache settled into my brain and hasn't left. I've been sleeping so much I'm not sure how I'm still tired yet I am. Although the sleep has been absolutely terrible. Thin and light. Waking up over even the sound of my own breathing and wanting to scream.

The night before last I had just slipped into that dreamless state when my eyes snapped open over a car driving by and I screamed into my pillow before ripping the sheets from my bed and sleeping on the mattress.

They were too itchy..too hot. I've had the same ones for over a year and they've never bothered me until they felt like they were stitched together with thorns and fiberglass; prickling my skin.

My body still aches however I don't think it's from my overdose anymore and more so the withdrawals. The soreness bruising my lungs has faded and I can suck in a full breath without any wheezing vibrating through them. Sarah has slept over the last few days since I've been so on edge. Kie stayed a few nights too but her parents are stricter plus they've never been fond of me..or the boys being that we're all pogues but mostly me. I wouldn't say I'm 'well know' around the cut but most people probably wouldn't have the nicest things to say about me..nothing that would scream 'yes she's a perfect friend for your daughter!'

I'm more known for the drugs I do..did.. Sleeping around.... And destroying things when I'm mad that part puts a smile on my face because it's just so damn fun.
I've slashed my exes tires, and his moms since her flat ass was always a stuck up bitch to me. There is no room for entitlement on the cut nor should anyone feel entitled when we're all in the same dump.

I busted the principals kitchen window once by throwing a rock through it in the middle of the night. He gave me detention for skipping class to smoke in the bathroom; completely ignoring that I had just been in a fucking accident weeks prior and lost my friends. He deserved it. Peterkin was at our door the next morning with raised brows and a million questions.. She knew it was me, but she had no proof.

She's always been a bit more lenient than Shoupe..at least towards me. She was the one person of power that actually consoled me when the accident happened. Sometimes I feel like I should go thank her for 'not seeing' half of the things I did during that time. I was sad and in a sickening bloody hole of pain but I was also violently distrustive, I started fighting and broke things. Threw China across a dish and utensil shop on figure eight. The woman behind the counter had already been sneering the second Sarah and I walked in.

Looking me up and down like I was going to steal something; joke was on her..I didn't take anything I just busted plates and cute little tea cup that almost made me feel bad to bust. She did end up pressing charges and my mother was livid with me.

I went into the old market where my other ex worked and knocked every bottle of spaghetti sauce off the shelves so he'd have to clean it up. I still remember how proud I was when it splattered all over his shoes. He had gone around telling everyone that I'd hit him; which I had but it pissed me off that he was running his mouth.

But I was more than happy to take that reputation over the sad little girl who was traumatized from the accident, or the girl who killed her friends.
I'll never forget the way murderer was spray painted on my locker when I showed up to school for the first time after it had happened.

Today has been different..I woke up with my nerves on fire; completely screaming and sizzling under my skin. Agitated over everything even the way my breath feels against my top lip has me digging my nails into my palm. I want to scream, punch my pillow or hit my head against the wall.