⌞ always the angel, never a god ⌝

*⌞ chapter thirty-eight : run together ⌝*

I finished and dried off, not caring to do anything to protect my curls. That was too much work and my food was going to be here soon. I had timed it well enough to know how long it to. A routine. Even if it was the worst version of one. 

I grabbed a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt, throwing both on. I didn't go back to my bed, instead I sat down on the floor next to my door. It was closed and sometimes I caught myself watching it, waiting for Jules's to knock. It was never going to happen. But a girl could dream. I sighed, resting my head against the wall. My phone buzzed and I sighed, picking it up. Lewis. 

Lew ( Dad ) 

Hey kid. I know you're probably

going through a lot right now and I'm so sorry. But please. I need to knowthat you're alright.

yeah, i'm alive

Oh, thank God.

Seb said you didn't pick up his call?

i was sleeping

Got it. You've been sleeping a lot.

it's the only thing i have the energy 
to do

Ah. Well, we have the weekend off.

Nico and I were going to come down and see you.

oh, okay

Unless you don't want that.

no, that's fine

Alright, please take care of yourself

until then. I love you, Lu.

I closed my phone, hearing the knock on the front door. I opened my door, fast walking to it. I just wanted to grab it and go but as I opened the door, it wasn't the delivery guy. 

"Mako..." 

I cleared my throat, not realizing how raw it was from crying every night and not talking. He just smiled. 

"You're alive, then." 

"Mhm." 

He looked at me and I crossed my arms, feeling like I was being judged. It was the first time I had been aware that I might not look the best. I knew it but this was the first reaction I had to it. 

"You weren't expecting me." 

"I wouldn't have opened the door if I knew it was you." 

"Ouch." 

"Sorry.." 

He shook his head, leaning against the frame. "Don't apologize. I'm not that hurt, I know you're going through a lot." 

"Yeah, a lot." 

"I just wanted to check on you." 

"Well, you did that." 

He sighed. "Lul-" 

"If you could leave now, that would be great. I am just wanting my food and to go back to watching my movie." 

I lied about the movie part. But I wasn't going to tell him that I was taking my food back to the bed I had been lying in for three weeks to eat until I couldn't force food down my throat anymore and then cry myself into another night of restless sleep. 

"Right, yeah. I'll uh- see you later then." 

I nodded and closed the door, forcing him to step back. I didn't move, keeping my eyes on the door. My food would be here soon and I didn't want to walk back to my room just to walk out again, two minutes later. But I also couldn't just stay in this room.

But something got the better of me and I turned around. Everything was exactly as it had been from that first night. I hadn't touched any of the boxes, just using whatever was already in my room. That wasn't what caught my eye. It was the box on the counter with a piece of paper next to it. I didn't see that earlier. My legs moved on their own, over to the counter. I picked up the paper, leaving the box. 

Lily, 

I gave this to Lewis. I had wanted to give it to you myself but... well. Here, my love. I did promise you this when you had finally grown up. Enjoy it and wear it with pride. You're going to carry on.

All my love, forever, 

Jules

I crumbled the paper, throwing it across the room. Tears pushed at my eyes but I blinked them away, picking up the box with shaky hands. I flipped the lid and inside was the Bianchi family crest. On a silver chain. I dropped it, the pendant ringing as it hit the granite. I rubbed my hands on my shirt, trying to get rid of the feeling as I walked backward to my room. I slammed the door, ignoring the knock that meant my food had arrived. 

All I could focus on was my breath and how I couldn't get it. My tears rushed and I sank to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. It was real. This was the end. 

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a/n: not much talking but good building for our lovely little eli. anyways, love it or don't :p