ugh

untitled 1.2

I'm scared we won't last because I've always heard that highschool sweethearts don't work out in the long term.

We all grow into our own people as adults.

I get it, kinda.

He's grown into his own person already.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

He has dreams, ideas, a plan of what he wants.

I'm willing to follow him, I'm just scared it's the wrong thing to do.

I think it's the right thing, though.

But I'm also scared because I've been wrong in the past.

For Christ sakes I have a tattoo with someone I will never be friends with ever again.

That's a totally different story though....

I love him, but I'm scared we won't work out unless I figure my own life out....

.
.
.
It's about a week later now

I do love him

But I also like the other one

I wish things could be the same way with the other guy I kinda sorta have a crush on.

I know I am absolutely awful for even thinking about someone else when I have him.

I can't talk to him about it though because I honestly just want to be friends with this guy.

I feel so awful that it makes my boy feel insecure or worried just because I hang out with him.

I like him, but I don't know him so I couldn't say whether or not I would go along with him.

I honestly think it's just the attention.

It's kinda like when my boy and I first got together, lots of talking.

We don't talk the same way anymore.

Christ we barely even have sex anymore.

We can't be intimate in anyway because when I get home from work I have things I wanna do and before I'm even close to finishing that shit he's off to work.

I can't wait for us to be on the same work schedule.

Because Im even hoping that me and the other one are on the same schedule because I want to spend time with him.

I think it's just because he's a guy honestly.

I had a girl best friend at work for almost a year.

But now he's the only one I truly trust.

And he asks so many questions dude.

I mostly trust him.

There is one thought in my head that is so shallow you can't even drown in it....

I'm not proud of it by any means.

But that actually could be the reason I haven't done anything.

I feel alright when I talk to him.

But I'm also a very toxic person and I wouldn't want to bother him with my issues.

My boy, though, he has his own shit and I think we put up with everything pretty well.

I know everybody has their own story but the other guy seems too nice for me.

I just really wish I could be myself and not this sad crappy version of myself.

But I'm learning and growing every day.

Some of the issues in my relationship are getting better.

That is another reason I won't give anybody more than a second thought.

I'm not proud to say that....

I shouldnt give anybody a second glance let alone a second thought.

But in my relationship we have good communication, that's why it works.

Omg that's why it works....

That is a truly beautiful thing.

I really wish I could recognize that more.