Random Poetic Stuff

Late Night Thoughts

This is less of a poem and more of a journal entry, but here you go. I hope you enjoy learning more about me than most of the world.

Me: Hey.

Me: Where are you?

Me: Are you okay?

Them: Sorry. I was having a mental breakdown.

Me: OMG what happened are you okay?!?

Them: Goodnight. 

Me: I love you.

Them: I love you too.

Me: Tell me everything tomorrow.

I click off my phone and lay on my back. staring at the ceiling. 

I feel like dying. I feel like hurting myself. I feel like shit.

I hate myself and don't want to live.

The conversation made me uneasy. I felt scared. Not for me. For them.

That's how it always was. We got worried about the smallest things that happened to each other, but have no regard for ourselves. 

I cared more about her well being than my own.

I loved her more than I loved me. 

She loves me too, I think. I hope. 

She tells me everyday, but at night, I doubt everything.

I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. It doesn't work. 

I feel... different. Almost... anxious. 

It's fine. I'll know what's wrong tomorrow.

I just wish I could help her now. 

That was my fatal flaw. 

I would help everyone else before I would help myself.

I won't help myself. I don't like myself. 

I like her. She's cool. She curses, and sings, and doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks of her.

I wish I was more like her.

She was badass, but sweet. 

When I got hurt, she would rush to me. When I was sad, she would hold me. She talked to me about everything. 

She liked me before. I liked her before. 

She said it was awkward. I hope it isn't. 

I couldn't handle that. She's the only thing keeping me grounded.

I hope she still talks to me the same. I'll find out soon. Tomorrow.

She has a surprise planned I think. She says it should happen tomorrow. It has something to do with him, my boyfriend. 

I love him, but not the same way I love her.

I love him deeply. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But it's not the same.

I love her so much it hurts. I love her like a sister, like a best friend, like a soulmate. Without her, I'm lost. 

That's the difference. If I had to, I could move on from him, eventually. I could never move on from her.

I need her. She's the only thing keeping me alive. 

I open my eyes again, sighing and rolling over. I open the letter he wrote me. Well, him and her, and her perfect match. 

I keep it near me at all times. I never let it out of my sight. It's one of my dearest possessions.

I lay it back down on my dresser and close my eyes again. I start to drift off, thinking about her, him, and tomorrow.