How I Met Your Father - JJK

Chapter 2. The New Job

Kids, traditions are a form of bonding. It gives you the chance to connect with the people you share them with and reinforce your relationship with them.

Many, many years ago, your aunties and I created a tradition that we've taken seriously ever since. Three times a year, on each of our birthdays we give our presents as every normal person would do, but we also have to give the birthday girl an additional present that must consist of the most random, stupid and ridiculous thing we can think of.

After so many years, we all had our favorites. For Shoko, it was the squeezy boob stress ball that she loved so much she carried it with her at work for a week. Iori's favorite was a pair of lobster sandals because according to her, they were "unironically trendy". Trust me when I tell you they weren't.

For me, it was the shit mug. It was literally a mug with the shape of a shit, not in a cute way but in a very realistic way with the texture and everything. Your aunties gave me that mug for my twenty-fifth birthday and named it the "shit mug" because according to them, I always had the habit of informing them every time I had to take a shit after one sip of my morning coffee.

It was funny and really stupid, but it was perfect. The size wasn't too big nor too small, the handler felt super comfortable in my hand, it wasn't too heavy but it wasn't light either and it held the temperature of any beverage very well. It was perfect and it was my mug so I grew fond of it. Only I could use it, not even Iori nor Shoko could touch it.

So imagine my rage when I got home after my first day at the new job, wanting to vent to my best friend about it as we shared some lunch at the comfort of our house when I saw a random man wearing Iori's emblematic neon pink robe and carrying my shit mug with him as he roamed around my kitchen.

"Who are you?"

"Oh, hi!" He said once he noticed I was there "I'm Atsuya, and you?

"Ree, I live here"

"Right, Iori mentioned she had a roommate. Coffee?" He offered as he swinged my mug in front of my face.

I didn't want any coffee, it was mid afternoon after all but I still took the mug away from his hands feeling as territorial as ever about my precious treasure "No I don't want coffee. Where's Iori?"

"She's showering," he informed, smiling full of pride "We had sex, you know?"

"Oh, okay?"

"Like ... wild sex"

"Congrats"

Back in the day your auntie had the bad habit of dating losers. We used to say she was on her charity duty when she was hanging out with one of those guys because being as beautiful as she was, it was unexplainable how she managed to see the attractiveness in them. Don't get me wrong, the guy was fine, but the moment he opened his mouth I already knew he belonged to the charity program.

"Blow-minding intercouse"

"I get it" I interrupted his narration of events before it got way too specific "Can you put on some underwear or something? That robe is actually very see-through, so ..."

"Oh! Oh no, my bad, I'm so sorry" he ran to Iori's bedroom and I took the chance to wash my dear mug and hide it as far in the cabinet as possible when someone knocked and I hurried to open the door while drying my hands on the sides of my shirt.

Iori and I were very open minded in terms of one-night stands. I wasn't irritated by the fact that she brought a stranger home, I just had a bad day and him touching my stuff as if he was at the comfort of his own home was the cherry on top. Of course he didn't know, it wasn't really his fault but I still got annoyed anyways and one thing about your mom is that I might not express how I feel with words, but my face will say it for me.