To Kill A God / Reiner Braun

chapter four

ACE AUSTEN IS THE PRODUCT OF A SHOOTING STAR.

And upon that comet, they had made a wish.

When it collided with earthly soil, Ace had risen. Even before her birth, she could not do anything but execute. Thus, she had no other choice but to become the monster they sought her out to be. Their greatest achievement, their fiercest corruption.

And, one day—because she promised herself she would always be Austen before she is SP—the cause of their downfall. Of their descent to hell.

How cruel it is to rejoice in the undoing of a child. In the making of a machine. How beautiful it is to be eaten but never swallowed. To be chewed, and spat back out a soldier. All war and bloodshed. No human, no mercy. To never know when to give up. To never know when you are defeated. Even then, to never accept it. To fight and persevere, regardless. To never stop. Always running, always chasing. After what? You do not know, so long as they throw the bone. So long as you are given an order. How beautiful it is to be morphed into a new being. Despite the ugly and the rot, immortal and undefeated. A price you pay with your soul, just to come out something great. As long as you are free, even if it's in your cage.

That is what they see when they look at her. The intensity coursing through her bones. The war that runs in her veins. The rage that makes every cell in her body come to life. She is warrior before she is anything else. She is warrior and nothing else. Would she have it any different? Her hands have sinned beyond redemption, they are tainted with vice. Could she be granted absolution, if she asked?

It is a natural reaction for them to fear her. Without knowing her. Without knowing if her hands are her own, if her sins are her own. They do not question what they see. They take her as the monster she is destined to be. They do not look for cracks in her stone-cold armor, for what could hide beneath. But, after all, one thing is certain: beyond godhood lies girlhood. Only Reiner and Bertholdt can think that far, can see beyond. Because they wish for the same damned thing: understanding.

"Speed and agility test," Commandant Shadis announces, clapping his hands together. "There are makeshift titans in the forest, operated by my men. Get their napes, or die trying. Get the most kills, and finish first—if you can."

Many cadets grumble in annoyance, muttering between each other about the unfairness of the graded exercise. It doesn't seem just nor impartial that some had had plenty of training prior to joining the corps. Naturally, they would be better and score higher. To that, Shadis retorts: nothing is fair in warfare. They would have to learn that the hard way. Is it fair that titans are bigger, taller, and stronger than them? No. Life doesn't stop and ask if it's fair. Do you ask why the fire burns? Do you ask why the sun shines? No. They do, because they must. That is how the world works. And they would have to adapt, or be left behind. Survival of the fittest.

In the last few days, asides from classes, ODM training had been made a priority. Ace had actually been impressed by a few of them. She had known kids in SP that did this all their lives, and—in her eyes—still sucked. Bertholdt had asked: who doesn't suck, in your eyes? She had only grinned in response, looking between him and the blonde.

After the night at the lake, Reiner had done everything in his power to avoid her. He felt fool enough to have tried to kiss her. Even though, in the back of his head, he knew that his efforts would be futile. He could not dismiss her for too long. Ace hadn't cared enough to question his change of behavior. A part of him had wanted her to, but he had shut it down as fast as lightning. It made the trio's living situation slightly awkward and uncomfortable. Sure, the tension had eased down. They joked more, Bertholdt loosened up, and Ace didn't have her killer face on all the time. She made an effort to smile like a girl and not like a knife, and even put away the one under her pillow.