The Deal

Chapter Thirty Four

"His door should be unlocked" she had said, taking me a bit by surprise. "Bang on it if it isn't, wake his stupid ass up" she squeezed my hand making me smile. I love her so much, her and Kie.

I was torn if I was happy his door was unlocked or not. I would have found it quite amusing to knock as loud and obnoxious as I could just to piss him off.
But it was unlocked. I tried to subtly not so subtly make enough commotion to wake him but by crawling over him. I was lucky he didn't throw me across the room but oh well.

I didn't care, I needed him. Sometimes I think my craving to be in his presence is stronger than the control the drugs have on me. The second his arm was around me and his body was pressed against mine I could feel the sleep seep in and when his lips met my neck I melted inside. Aside from the heat that gathered between my legs and the need to have him inside of me, there was just warmth and fuzzies in my chest and I wanted to turn around and kiss him. I was surprised to say the least when I felt him kiss my neck, he's never done that. He's kissed my forehead before but I always assumed it was in a sort of smart ass way.

But now I'm not so sure, and I don't see why it would be anything else. Trying to understand him is so fucking infuriating.

My eyelids flutter open and I sit up, feeling a sort of disappointment wash over me when I see the other side of the bed in empty and Rafe is already up.

I guess a tiny piece of me wanted to lay with him like yesterday. Wrapped in his arms. But that's stupid, that was just a random thing that happened. Not something that will continue because there's no reason it would. We have a deal, sex until my debt is paid and whatever this thing is with him pretending to care about my drug use.

It's hasn't turned into anything it's just changed a bit.

And it'll never be more than what it is, but that's fine.. I don't want it to be....yeah

I rake my fingers through my hair to brush it, my eyes snapping to the door when it pops open and he steps in, not bothering to look at me as he types something on his phone. I can almost feel his icy cold demeanor making a shiver run up my spine, the atmosphere shifting with tension.

I suppose he's doing this again. Was letting me sleep in here and kissing my neck too sweet for him? He had to turn back into a jerk to make up for it. Again..he is infuriating
And I don't have the energy for it today. My lungs feel better but I can still feel the wheezing when I breathe a subtle soreness. The weakness in my limbs has started to subside but I'm sure when I stand it'll become more apparent. I feel okay right now but I'll be tired again in about two hours.

My energy levels have been the most effected. All I've wanted to do is sleep..and it's better with him.

I suppose that's what happens when you almost die. Your body uses all it has to keep you alive.

As the fuzziness of my sleep fades I can feel a subtle irritation grow and sit in the pit of my stomach like undigested food..ready to pounce up my throat but only with words. I can practically taste the venom in them yet I haven't uttered a word.

I suck in a deep breath, the pain in the back of my head only making me want to punch the pillow or scream, but that wouldn't help my lungs. I can feel the urge for my fix, for my high grow stronger with every hour that passes since I last used and almost died. I'm not brain dead by them enough yet to be so blind and not see that the swirling irritability is from that.. And sooner than later it's levels of intensity will be right up there with the need to numb every cell in my brain until it can't remember why it's in pain. And that's a different kind of dangerous.