The Deal

Chapter Thirty Two

My eyes move to the door as it pops open and the light from the hospital hallway slowly floods in before Katie steps in, pulling a rolling cart with her before quietly closes the door behind her. Her eyes coming to mine before the fall into a flat smile and she tip toes over to us. Her brows drawn together and her eyes round with concern as she looks down at Lily. A soft sigh leaves her lips as she reaches down and takes Lily's hand, slipping the oxygen monitor on her fingers before watching the numbers go up. A look of relief washing over her face before she takes it off but keeps Lilys hand in hers, pulling it to her lips before pressing a kiss to her palm and closing her fingers around it before lying her arm softly back down.

"Is her oxygen steady?" I whisper and she nods before twisting some cord up and shoving it into the cart. "Everything's gone back to normal, I'll listen to her lungs when she wakes up" she tells me brushing her hand over Lilys forehead as she sleeps against my chest. "Rafe I can't even.." she starts to speak but presses her lips together like she's trying to keep from crying. "I don't even know how to thank you, if you hadn't been there..she'd..she'd.." she pulls her hand up over her mouth before taking in a long deep breath but even in the darkness I can see her eyes gloss over making my chest thud.

"I had no idea.." she breathes, her eyes flickering back down to Lily. "None of us did" I tell her. It isn't a lie, not completely. I really didn't know she was smoking it.. It only clicked tonight when I saw how quickly it pulled her under. Nothing else would have spread so fast, not even the pills.

"I feel like I failed her, she's in pain and it's been happening right in front of my eyes..How could I have not seen it? Noticed her behavior change?" She asks but it comes out sounding like more of a question to herself than me and I shake my head. "She's a good liar" I tell her honestly and she presses her lips into a line. "I want to be angry with her..I am but she's been through so much. I'm always so scattered brained with work and trying to keep food on the table that I don't even think about it. I try to check in with her but she's so closed off" she rambles softly. An odd feeling of remorse shivering through me.

They're lives seem so..stressful, full of worry even. My parents being overworked or stressed out was never a thought to me..Because they weren't.. I suppose thats the difference in not having money and having it.

"This isn't your fault Katie, this has been going on for a while" I explain, watching the way she watches Lily with nothing but love in her eyes. Making some sinking feeling fill my chest. I miss my mom.

"Losing her friends just killed her..I felt so guilty for thanking god the way I did that he didn't take her with them but how could I not? She's my child and I came so close to losing her. But I think she feels like she she died with them that night, or at least the happy little girl I knew did" she explains and I feel my stomach turn as my eyes flicker down to her.

Her expression so soft as she sleeps, her cheek pressed against my chest. Her fiery red hair scattered out across my arm and the pillow. The oxygen tube under her knows sending an eeriness through me.. I don't like seeing her like this.
"She doesn't open up much" I tell her and she nods. "She's quite..stand off ish I suppose" she tells me. That's a watered down way to put it. She's a fucking smart ass. "She bottle's everything up, she doesn't like to show emotion" she adds.

That's the fucking truth. The only time I've ever seen her show emotion is when she's on the edge of breaking down or my asshole self scared her half to death. Thinking of that only makes me want to curl over and vomit. "I honestly don't know if I can name someone aside from her friends that she hasn't pushed away" she tells me and I feel my brows draw together wondering what she means by that. Who has she pushed away?

"But she sure likes you" she clears her throat pulling me from my thoughts, that comment sitting even more odd with me. She does not fucking like me. I'm pretty sure she fucking hates me aside from badgering me to kiss her all of the time.. I'm pretty sure she just likes to fuck with me although sometimes I swear she looks sad when I don't kiss her and she as fuck looked defeated when I told her it meant nothing when we did..