Book: Turning Dreams into passion
Author: it_s_me_sana
Feedback:
I will say your title since is okay since it matches the purpose of your story, but the cover and the blurb isn't it. How can you introduce us to a new world and make readers want to read your story by saying: the story is about a normal girl... I mean, okay the story is about a normal girl but who is she? Can't we not atleast have her name and age? And yes you described the plot, point of conflict and gave a little bit of spoilers, but all if it globally felt cold. Like it wasn't your own story that are writing, but you just writing for another person. Put a little bit of passionate, seduce the readers with words to push them, force them to click on the read button. And as of your cover, revise it. Look for something more calling, catchy, lovely.
In the first chapter you wrote the local train is running on somewhere and it is filled with passengers. When I read that I had to take a minute to understand what you meant. Instead of saying the local train is running on somewhere why not tell us where it is running? You're supposed to introduce us to a new story, make us confortable, give us the necessary information because it is in the first two chapters that the readers should atleast recieve 50% of the character's background.
Your description needs to be revised like totally. You wrote: a one girl said as she was seating on the seat... I mean you see what I mean? In the blurb, you didn't introduce us to the characters. In the first chapter, you did the same. And when describing you use too much similar words. If she is already seating, how can you still say on the seat? And why say a one girl?
Well, that aside your plot is quite narrow. I don't see anything you promised me in the story 's description all I'm reading is conversation and conversation less action. We are just seeing speech we don't know what the characters are doing, where they are nothing. The background check too doesn't clarify enough. It's better for you to unpublish it, and upload it with thorough revision. Try also to read other stories and see how a chapter needs to be construed.
