Payton's Life

The Runner

I realize then that I don't want to go to school. I never want to live anywhere. I should just run and keep running and so I do. I get up and run. Full on sprint towards the end of the alley. I have my lunch and a bar in my bag, not that I'd eat anyway, as well as my uneaten breakfast in my hand. I decide to take minimum possessions with me. I write a note on some notebook paper and ditch my bag where I was sitting.

If anyone finds this then I'm sorry, I have run because I can't bear the pain. I won't and haven't killed myself but I don't want to be here anymore. I don't know where I'm going but I may come back some day. Please don't look for me. I don't want to be and will not be found. I'll be alright. I love my family and all my used to be friends. Goodbye,

Payton

I fold the note in half and leave in in the phone pocket along with my phone. I know people will be looking and I feel bad for my parents but its better then them watching me shrivel away in front of them. I'll probably hang around here for a while and make sure my parents are adapting. I hope they try to have another kid and don't miss me. If I make it into adulthood maybe I'll come back and visit. Maybe I'll walk across the country. Maybe I'll just shrivel away and die. Who knows? I start running and don't look back. I don't know where to go, maybe I should sleep back in the alley. At least it's relatively safe and I could watch my parents and friends and see how they're adapting. For now I just keep running. Running from my friends and pain. My family and love. My life. Running.

I keep running until I look at my watch and see that it's almost six. I start running to my house to check on my parents, glad that I dressed darker so I can hide. I come around the corner in the shadows and see a police car in front of the house. I know why it's there. Hopefully someone finds or already found my note. Hopefully they listen. I don't want them to waste time looking. I don't risk being found and I back away into the shadows. I hide near some sewer pipes close to home and wait for the cops to leave. About an hour later I hear a car drive by and peek up from my hiding spot to see that it's a police car. I wait a few more minutes then get up and walk over to my house. I view in the open front windows from the shadows across the street. I see my mom on the computer typing posters and letters to friends. My dad is crying on the phone, probably breaking the news to family, praying I'll be found and okay. I run, with tears in my eyes back to where I left my backpack. I look through it's contents again, pulling out the food, which I am no longer hungry for and throw it in the dumpster. I see that my note is still there. I curl up, using my bag as a pillow and a box as a "room" and cry myself to sleep.

The next day I get up as soon as the sun and run to the shadows by the school, waiting for my friends. I won't and don't talk, or move, just watch. An hour later I see the busses arrive around the corner and soon the school is swarming and buzzing with kids. I see Dane, Sophie, Ellie, Kaylee and many more of my "friends" all standing together talking with worried, hushed voices. I catch snippets of their conversation.

"Did you guys hear about Payton?" I hear Sophie whisper.

"Yeah..." There is a lull in the conversation and I see Kaylee and Ellie sniff and wipe their eyes. I want to run to them and give them a hug but I can't or I'll be found. Tears burn my eyes and I quietly sniff and wipe them. I hang around the school until the end of fourth lunch then I start running again. I run to my house and see both my parents' cars in the driveway. I sneak closer and look through the closed blinds. My dad is still sitting in a chair but he's slouched over with his puffy eyes closed, finally sleeping. My mom is walking from the kitchen to the living room holding a plate. She gently shakes my dad and he wakes up slowly and takes the food, sadly nibbling the cheese sandwich. Those same sad, regretful tears burn in my eyes and I continue running. I enter the alley at night from the other end and find a broken mirror. I look at the distorted image and see a skinny empty girl covered in dirt and sweat with hollow, red, puffy eyes. So this is what I am now. I think sadly but conclusively. I continue on to my new home and find my backpack gone and a piece of paper.

Hey Payton,

We found your bag and note. I hope you come back and find this one. We will be showing those to your parents. I'm sorry, we all miss and love you. We're so sorry. We will take you back and welcome you, just please please come back! We love you and hope you come back. PLEASE!

-Dane and Kaylee

I can tell that Kaylee wrote it because of her pretty, neat script. I want to go back. But I can't. I can't go back to the pain and loss and sadness. I silently sob myself to sleep again.