platonic | short story

present: eleven.

“See? That’s not mean.” Caden smiled. I turned my head, finding him so close to me that I could see the various shades in his eyes. I rolled my lips inside of my mouth and turned away again, “Yeah.” I shrugged simply.

God, maybe he was right. Maybe we both didn’t know how to behave around one another. My heart was beating so fast when he was this close to me. 

I supposed it always felt strange to be so close to someone while not really knowing them all that well. I calmed myself with the idea that I’d behave like this with anyone but deep down, I knew I didn’t.

But it was stupid. I couldn’t fuck this up again. I couldn’t make a move on him to see if there was anything there. I tried that before, and it completely backfired. And besides, those feelings were shelved. Getting my heart broken by Caden once, was more than enough. He could be a friend, but he’d never be more. It just wasn’t meant to be for us. 

At one point he had feelings for me, and at another point I had feelings for him. Timing hadn’t been on our side and we both never spoke about it. And maybe it was for the best.

“I agree, though.” Caden interrupted my thoughts as he finished his coffee and reached for his glass of wine again, “Jesus, it’s warm in here. And we haven’t even danced yet.”

I also fanned myself a bit and Caden cleared his throat, “You wanna go for a smoke?”

“Really?” I turned my head with raised brows. Caden had a slightly drunken look in his eyes as he nodded, “Yeah. Or do you not smoke anymore?”

“Uh - sometimes.” I softly shrugged, “Yeah, sometimes. But okay, yeah, let’s go.” I scraped my chair back and Caden looked at me, “Are you sure? You don’t have to.”

“No, I’m sure.” I smiled in reassurance. Eyes followed our every move as both Caden and I headed outside. The venue had a beautiful outdoor seating area which wasn’t really being used due to the colder weather and the late hour. It was deserted as Caden and I took a seat in the lounge and he took a packet of cigarettes out of the pocket of his suit jacket that he brought with him.

“Cold?” He questioned. I shuddered slightly from the temperature change and before I could protest, Caden draped the suit jacket over my shoulder. I felt the warmth radiating from the fabric and exhaled a breath, “You don’t have to.” I murmured, “Aren’t you cold?”

“Not at all. Sweating up a storm.” He chuckled before offering me a cigarette, “Want one or share one?”

“Share.” I softly spoke. Caden blinked once and then nodded, “Yeah, okay.” He rasped.

I tucked my legs up a little, scooting a little closer to him until our thighs touched and my eyes were locked on the people inside, seeing them through the large glass doors. The smell of smoke lingered around us and Caden took a few drags before handing me the cigarette.

“Do you also feel like…” I started, taking a drag, “like people are watching us?”

He chuckled, “Yeah, totally. I mean, I guess people are curious as to why we’re here together.”

“Mhm.” I nodded, “I supposed a lot of people could tell something… changed when we didn’t hang out together anymore.”

Caden didn’t respond and I glanced to my side to find him with his eyes casted down, nibbling the inside of his cheek in thought. I could tell there were questions he wanted to ask. There were also questions I - deep down - wanted to ask. But it appeared that we both sort of avoided the topic for now.