Ms. Anderson

Chapter 10

"By the way, Rose mentioned you're seeing someone, which is why you weren't too interested in her," Jennifer adds.

"Well, I am kind of seeing someone. It's just complicated and I didn't want to get her hopes up to much. She seems like a really sweet girl," I explain, just as Ms. Anderson enters the classroom, making both of us go quiet.

Throughout class, Ms. Anderson's gaze meets mine a few times, her expression firm and focused, as always. Despite trying to concentrate, my mind keeps drifting, knowing that I have to discuss something deeply personal after class.

Glancing at my watch, I see there are only five more minutes left. They're the longest five minutes I've ever had to sit through, but eventually the bell rings. I quickly gather my things and let Jennifer know that I'll catch up with her later in the cafeteria, as I have a few questions for Ms. Anderson. Which is not entirely true, but I can't tell her the truth.

After everyone leaves, I close the door and turn to her.

"Are you free to talk now?" I ask, unsure if she has a free hour too.

"Yes, I am," she nods as she stands up and leans against her desk.

"I wanted to apologise for the way I reacted yesterday," she listens and I go on. "I just wasn't expecting to have that talk." I smile at her.

"I understand. I do realise I crossed the line and I would understand if you're mad at me," she says.

"I'm not mad at you," I assure her, shaking my head a little. "I actually like to be more open about it. As long as you keep it to yourself. The school doesn't know," I explain, seeing her face soften in surprise.

"You don't have to," she reassures, but I already made up my mind.

"I want to," I smile, and she nods once before gesturing to sit down. She sits on a chair besides me and I think about where to start.

"I won't delve too deeply into it, but for the past two years, I've been in a dark place," I begin. "I tried to cope on my own without burdening anyone, but looking back, it wasn't the wisest choice. I resorted to self-harm just to silence the voices, even if it was only temporary relief. It was as if I needed to make the outside hurt more than the inside," I explain, feeling the weight of the memories. "It started small, just when things became overwhelming, but it soon became addictive. I found myself doing it for every emotion, numbing myself over time. That's when it got really bad," I pause, swallowing hard as she gently takes my hands in hers.

"You don't have to continue if you don't want to, okay? You don't owe it to me," she reassures, and I offer a soft squeeze, indicating that I want to share.

"I reached a breaking point one night when my parents were out. I swallowed a bottle of pills with the help of alcohol. I- I actually died that night," I confess, brushing away a tear.  "Waking up in the hospital, all I wished for was to go back and make a better decision. I started seeing a therapist and I still see her every now and then. She helped me overcome my self-harm addiction and made me realise the world isn't that bad of a place, as long as you try to see the good in it," I smile briefly as I remember it. "So I mean it when I say that you don't have to worry about me. I'm okay now. I'm just not comfortable with my scars showing and people making up there minds about me," I finish, locking eyes with her. Her eyes are glossy, letting me know she's on the verge of crying, but she's making her best effort to not give in.

"Have you shared this with anyone else before?" she questions, and I shake my head.

"No. The only people that know are my parents and my aunt. You're the first person I told. And I wanted to tell you now so you know what you're getting yourself into. I'd understand if you didn't want anything to do with me anymore," I explain, noticing the pained expression on her face.