Only You, Just You [eng]

11 - Seeing From The Blind Eyes

He wants him back. That was the truth.

But how could he think about getting him back when in the first place he pushed him way too far away that made them go on edge on each other? He wanted Win to get out of his life and now that he did what he wanted, it made him want him back.

Is this normal?
To feel like this when I wanted this to happen in the first place.
Fuck! This is making me go fucking crazy!

“Are you okay? You don’t look good.”

“Nath.”

“Yeah?”

“I want him. I want him back in my life.”

“You what— wait, I’m not following anything. Did you do something that’s why he was replaced by Mrs. Magtalas the last sem?”

“I think. But I didn’t tell him to do that. He did that. I never said he should transfer to another class. And fuck this. He did not talk to me, not even a bat of an eye, he avoided it.”

“You told him that. Of course, he’ll do what you told him. He’s your husband for goodness sake.”

Husband. Bright was frozen in his position. Nathaniel was right, he was his husband. Still is. And what he’s feeling right now is somehow still valid. They’re still married.

“But, I said something… And I think I'm regretting it now.”

“You wanted him out of your life?” Nathaniel said and a nod was only the answer. “I thought you were smart? What's with this dumb decision you've gotten yourself in?”

“I know it's stupid. You don't have to slap it around my face. But long-story-short, he left me. He did. Win did. And so, if you were me, you'd also do the same. Get him out of your life.”

“But we are not the same. Keep that in mind.”

“He hurt you, left you alone and made you suffer those nightmares for years, and you still would want him back in your life?”

“I get where you're coming from but, you lost your memory. Remember? All of it. All of what you and him shared, of course I would leave you. Why would I stay if you don't want me anymore?”

“But you're just proving to me that our love is not enough for you to stay. That your love for me was that shallow.”

“It differs from wanting to stay because I love you and you love me. If you don't want me why would I stay, why would I torture myself? It will eventually drain me and my love for you won't be the same because all I would think about is you're just staying with me because you and I were only connected by paper and rings but never by heart and affection. Think about it that way. Would you still stay if you were in Prof Win's shoes?”

“I wouldn't.”

“Exactly my point.” Bright looks at Nathaniel once again. And he was right. Maybe, he was right. Maybe I said something that I don't really remember saying. “Why don't you two talk it out again? There's still a chance, huge, if I'm basing on how you reacted just now and to how you still feel the same towards him. You still love him, right?”

“I still do.”

“Dude! You're wasting your time hiding. Why don't you stand up and run towards him? Tell him how you really feel.”

Nathaniel stood up and reached his hand down, asking Bright to take courage and tell Win the truth. “Time doesn't make the effort, you have to make it. I know you have scars that are yet to heal but if Prof Win is the cure, why don't you try falling for him again?”

He took his hand and helped Bright to compose himself. “You only have one life, and chances are unlimited. Don't let more years be wasted in regrets and blames, make it yours. Create new memories with him.”

“I'm afraid of what comes after letting him back again.”

“There you go again, stop thinking about negative things. You still want him, right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you still love him?”

Another nod.

“Don't just nod, say it. Say you still love Prof Win.”

Fucking embarrassing.
I'm letting this kid talk some senses out of me.
But fine! He's right.

“I still love him. I want to remember how he loved me, how he would comfort me, or how our nights will end and the mornings that we'll look forward to. I want to experience them all again.”

“With who?”

“With Win.”

A satisfied look on Nathaniel can be seen in his face and Bright just realized that his friend was right. He might be mischievous at times but he does have some senses on some other things.

He initiated an embrace which made Nathaniel a little awkward. “Uhm. Bright?”

Bright breaks the hug and looks at Nathaniel's face. “I'm thankful you're thankful for what I said but don't hug me when your husband is around. He might get a wrong impression and my grades will be affected.”

“W-wait! What?” He quickly turned around and there Win stood a few feet away from them. “He heard us?”

Nathaniel smirked and quickly ran away from Bright. “I'm sorry but you two should talk it out. I hate the atmosphere whenever you two are alone, it reeks of love sickness.”

“Nathaniel! Get back here!” Fuck this! Bright wanted to run away too but Win was too quick to stop him, cornering him with his two arms as they held the railing behind Bright.

“Can you not?”

“Not what? What was that about? I thought you didn—”

“Can we not talk about it in this position? Students are all around.”

“Do you think I still care about what they will think after what you said?”

“Damn it, Win. Can you please? Not now?”

“Then when? Today? After your class? My class? Tonight?”

His lips were tight. Eyes looking down on the ground. His face was flustered with embarrassment.

“Tonight. I'll call you.”

This time, Win held Bright's hand and pushed his way inside the empty classroom near them.

He made sure Bright was looking at him eye to eye before he would lift his face and kiss him, almost madly. And there's no escaping through the kiss because somehow, Bright wanted it too. He misses his lips on his. He misses his husband's touch.

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