The Deal

Chapter Twenty Six

—Rafe—

"Stay just a little longer" Serena says, sliding her hand up my shoulder and I feel her breath on my neck making me want vomit..her hands on me, her attempts to keep me in her bed and be seductive are revolting. "Get off" I growls, throwing my arm back and ripping away from her as I stand and pull my jeans on. "Oh don't be that way, you keep coming back for more" she sits up completely naked and I roll my eyes. Finding myself completely unamused by her and her naked body. "That's because you're easy" I tell her flatly but she only smirks, pulling her lip between her teeth as if that was a compliment. I'm quite used to the women I sleep with letting me say and do whatever I want. Or losing any form of self respect if it means I'll fuck them.

Except Alilia. Even with the way I treated her, some of the degrading things I've said to her..she'd still fucking lose it if I said something like that to her or smart off and run her mouth. She doesn't fall at my feet begging to be used like the rest of them.
Sure she turns into a fucking submissive mess when I am fucking her but that's different.

Serena doesn't hold a fucking candle to Alilia. Nobody does. I knew it wouldn't be satisfying..to fuck anyone after I've had Lily.
I knew from the first time I was inside of her that fucking anyone else had been ruined. Despite my attempts to make her feel humiliated, make her think she didn't feel good..Nobody would feel like her, and nobody fucking does.

I yank my shoes on before grabbing my keys, ignoring Serena whining like a fucking child as I make my way down her stairs. Ignoring the looks from whoever the fuck is seated around her table.

I slam my door, turning my engine over and it roars to life before I slam the pedal to the floor.

I couldn't wrap my head around the way I felt after Aria told me about the accident. Or the way I felt when Lily told me about what he father did. It was too fucking much to take in all at fucking once.

And I couldn't for the fucking life of me understand the way it made my chest physically feel like it was being weighed down, or made my stomach turn like it was being tied in fucking knots making me feel like I might have to pull over and vomit.
The anger, the sinking feeling of nausea, the tightness in my throat and the way my adrenaline rose.
All of it twisting in some fucking mixture making me want to smack my fucking head against a wall relentlessly.
Hearing that she almost fucking died..she came so fucking close to losing her life made me want to fucking see her, touch her. Picturing it happening in my head as Aria told me made my brain want confirmation she was alive. Even though I had just fucking seen her that morning and the accident was over a year ago.

I don't get it. I don't fucking understand how she makes me feel and I don't fucking like it. I've been shoving it down, pushing it away. Pushing her away to keep it from flooding in but hearing her tell me what her father did, trusting me with it, hearing about the accident..It all drowned in and rose whatever it is that I feel to the surface, wrapped around me like vines and suffocating me.
I needed to get rid of it. And history will prove I have two methods of dealing with shit.

Beating something or someone until my knuckles bleed.

Or fucking someone.
I chose the less violent option. I had hopes having sex with someone else would take my mind off of her but it didn't. I could only imagine it was her I was fucking. Hear her moan and whimper in my head, drowning out Serena. Pretend it was Lilys hands sliding all over me. It was Lilys lips against mine. I stopped her when she tried to push things towards getting me to go down on her.