This introduction tells the story of my life so far, how a love from past lives intertwines with the present day, and where through dreamlike encounters, the story unfolds.
I need to tell my story... That night she visited me and told me that once again we will meet...
This is a love story... - Oh, how cool, another love story... papyrus, books, kindle, virtual reality, cell phone games. This is already saturated..., but give me a chance to try to tell this story. Since I was little I have suffered from the evils of oneirism...Insomnia, intense fatigue, indigestion and sleep deprivation.
I'll start with my earliest memory. Like when I had epileptic seizures and the world stopped, I would hear voices in the background, of my elderly father and mother trying to bring me back. It felt like I was stuck in some kind of sheet fluttering on a clothesline, trying to cross it, in a catatonic state. The same ritual was repeated: Someone picked me up and placed my head under a tap in the sink. Something that referred to Christian baptism. And I went back to "reality"...
I don't know if there's any connection, but I was always a melancholic child. I always preferred to play alone and invent my own games. At that time almost nothing was known about Asperger's or spectrum disorder, so I grew out of this suspicion.
One thing always comes back to me, when I had these absences, someone seemed to hold my hand, it was as if this gesture caused this situation. And I felt like the most loved person in the world.
As I mentioned before, my father was an elderly man, so we were always moving around looking for hospitals to treat his chronic lung disease. We changed cities, states. This was never a problem for me, as I had no connection whatsoever, youthful love or strong bonds of friendship never shook me, I liked that feeling of always being in a new place.
I remember being eight years old and living in a beach town, our house was next to a cemetery. Something that is beside the point because nothing strange happened in relation to that place. What happened and what marked my memory forever was the fact that witches walked on the roof of my house and called my name all night long. I couldn't sleep and this hindered my adaptation to school even more, I was in the 1st grade of primary school. I would sneak out of my room in the middle of the night and go sleep at the foot of my parents' bed. My father, being old and tough, got angry and said he was going to sleep in my bed to prove that it was all in my head... He didn't last 40 minutes in the room... After midnight he heard something like a flap huge wings, and then footsteps on the roof and a noise as if someone was sweeping...
It was decided that I was the center of the situation, because before running out of the room, my father heard laughter and whispers asking for me. They took a piece of my clothing to bless, then they took me to talk to a priest and I started attending endless novenas.
As I had moved to the foot of my parents' bed, and the "witches" could no longer call me and sing their lullabies on the ceiling of my room, they began to perform the ritual on the roof of the entire house... My family then decided to move, I don't know if the reason was the nightly dancing on the roof or another attempt by my father to alleviate his illness.
In one of these moves, we ended up living in the same city as my maternal grandmother and we lived in her house until we found a house in the new city where my father decided to continue his health treatment.
My grandmother was a faith healer, which is how she was known in the community, where children of businessmen and politicians came to seek cures for most of their afflictions, from shingles to heart ailments. My grandmother had an extensive library of well-known witchcraft books. Titles such as São Cipriano, O Livros da Bruxa, Livro de São Marcos and São Manso, among many from this dismal collection.
These books were kind of taboo for me, my sisters, and our cousins. We were not afraid but respectful, as we were always taught. I remember my grandmother's wooden house as if it were today, and the jar full of snake heads that she kept under her bed. As well as her entire collection of sacred images of all imaginable lines, such as Preto Velho in the living room, Santa Teresinha in the kitchen and the beautiful painting of Iemanjá in her bedroom.
It's worth remembering that time when we lived at my grandmother's house, as it was the first time I had contact with her... I was 9 or 10 years old at the time, and today, at 40, the memory is still vivid in my mind.
Cassandra...How many times did one end the other's life in our past lives? Will it always be like this? With each reincarnation, one person's life slips away in the hands of another. Cursed by fate and taking "until death do them part" literally.
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Yes, her name is Cassandra, and each death, no matter how painful it was, was worth it, for the intensity of this crazy passion, which led us to kill and die for all these centuries.
Okay, it got a little confusing, but for context, I needed to share all this information. Because it was at my grandmother's house that Cassandra came to visit me for the first time, or that I saw her image.
It was on one of my dream trips, the few times I fell asleep and was sucked into this dimension that I now know as Samhain. My father who was alive at that time, was in my dream, and he warned me that he would leave us in 6 years. Fact, it was 1991 and he passed away in 1997. I remember being very sad in my dream, we were in a bathroom that didn't reflect our images on the mirrored walls. Still in the dream, my father left through a narrow door, I followed him, but ended up losing sight of him, and soon I found myself in a forest, dimly lit by a sad, gray sun.
It was when, walking alone through this forest, suddenly someone held my hand. I have never felt so loved, welcomed and protected. It was as if everything suddenly made sense, I finally felt complete.
"Finally you came back to me..."- said Cassandra. "I was never able to materialize in the early hours of the morning like my circle sisters. They really traumatized you, and your whole family too."
"You've terrified me my entire life." - I replied.
"You really don't remember, you were the one who asked for this, the last time you killed me... With tears in your eyes as you pushed the dagger away and literally broke my heart." - cried Cassandra. That's how I ended up here, on Samhain with all the others your beloved church tortured, persecuted, and burned. Now my question is, why did you reincarnate? We had agreed that you should recite the incantation when your time was near and meet me here again.
Completely lost in that situation, but at the same time remembering promises of love from past lives, I said: "I only know that I love you with all the strength I have in my body, but I don't remember why. I apologize for not fulfilling the promise I made to you, and I don't know why either.
"I give you a choice today", - said Cassandra, pointing to a stone altar that contained a kind of arrow, also made of stone. "If you turn that stone arrow towards your heart, you will die in your sleep tonight, and stay here with me forever, but if you continue being the hardhead that you are, turn it towards the portal, wake up and go live the life you want. It seems we have decided to once again postpone our time together.
If I'm writing this story now, it's because I made the worst, most idiotic choice I could have made in my entire life, waking or dreaming. "I decide to return to my family and friends" - I said turning the stone arrow to the portal.
Cassandra ran into the forest crying and I suddenly woke up. Years passed... I lost my father first, then my mother, and today I write from a guesthouse room, because due to the expenses incurred due to my mother's illness, I had to sell the house that belonged to her to pay off the debts. And I was never happy again, I never felt loved, complete again...
But the story doesn't end there, over the years, Cassandra sometimes put her resentment aside and little by little she told me the events that led her to Samhain and brought me here.If anyone, a single person, is interested in knowing the continuation of this story, I can continue posting it here.
