Book: Darkness Together
By: @__somerandomgirl__
Feedback:
The title is okay, but the cover has many things that is missing. I like the two hands on it, one on top of the other with one darker. However, it's too simple. Add a little bit of aesthetic and portray how darkness meets the blind girl and the man. Your blurb however is not it. It's too blurry, too narrow. You don't represent anything that is in the story. You spoke of a blind girl, a man and so what? Why would a reader chose to read that story instead of another? Prove them, force them to choose yours because it's better.
Your work needs editing. You need to check on your punctuation, use more of 'I' instead of 'i' and revise the way you use your paragraphs and spacing and the structure of your story.
That aside, I found your story beautiful. Your paragraphs are too short what if you mix two or three chapters to make one to make the chapter longer? Because when the chapters are too short, the readers will be more likely to drop the story. Again, stop saying the next day, after that, arrival date and the rest just include it in your paragraphs while writing. Example:
The next day, when we left for ....
We arrived at 5 PM in the evening...
Presently, I was standing....
You see? Just involve it in the story and not differentiate it. Because writing past , present breaks the fourth wall and pulls out the reader from the comfort it was in.
