Have you felt like your worth nothing, or you just wanna kill youself? i do; i do everynight and day. that pain comes everyday, it's like if it was a cloud over me raining down on me and me only. i try harmful and very awlful things to my body. i try to runaway, i even try to to go suicide once. i tell myself; why me? what did i do to deserve this, please please god tell me what did i do. if i did let me know, im willing to start fresh for me and for my famliy. somebody take a fucking gun or knife and put me in my death bed. no one loves me neither do you; do you? Lord...
Does love have anything to do with it? Does noone love me? why me? The sadest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you. i been thought this many times in my past, and my furture (if i ever have one) and present has this sadeness, despersing feeling nowhere in the picture. if you see it, then tell me becuase i don't. well do you? you this is what i get all the time, silence...
Forget who didn't love you yesterday, but remember the people who love you today. Yeah ok, like that means anything to me. i would like it to me somthing to me, but who is out there who loves for who i am? Why... only took about a couple a days to relise, that pain hurts but love hurts more... love is the slowest form of sicide.. dont you think? of course you wouldn't, you don't go throught what i go throught. now, im going to ask myself; why me?
I change myself, my life style, my body, for them. I try to make them happy but i fail, i try to fit in...Why? is love happiness, or it just plays it self out to be nice, then it hurts so bad you can't handel it. I don't want this in my life in the furture(if i have one) or even my in my present. it just hurts me inside to even tell anyone whats wrong becuase it so long and it reminds me of so many things.
It makes feel, does anyone care? Does anyone even see that i'm here? You don't relise love is just pain until it hits you in the face. There are things in life we don't want but have to accept, things we don't know but we have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. You know they say, all the bad things in life only make me stonger. In my case, it's different becuase all the bad things make me worse and the good things... well i have none... why me?...
Rape me, fuck, fucking kill me. I DO NOT care and neither would anybobdy else. everything i say to you right here and then is true. this how i feel. i really dont care if im putting my world out there, i gave nothing to lose. i have no life. i have nothing better to do than cut my self. but does anyone care.. NO. and i have tried talking to my mom, but things dont work out. she ends up saying get out of my face...or i done tlaking to you. so i dont try anymore. this is why for basically all my life, everywere i go i hold all of this in. but sometimes it does not work, i burst into tears. i have cried so much, that if i cry now nothing will come out. becuase i dried all tears out. i told one friend, and she says that she is there for me and cares about me. but i dont mean friendship and i dont want love from her. i want from my own mom and my own family. if i die today nobody will notice, becuase that want they want. and im invisiable to every one.... why me?
thank you to my only frined who was there for me, but i need love from you mom....
WHY ME?
A.M.G
