Finding You - ( JenLisa )

I

I don't get it.

The purpose of life, I feel like I have no purpose in this world.. I feel like I'm living for nothing.

I know I have my family, my friends, and more but it just doesn't justify it.. I feel like they're not the reason at all

I don't get my life..

Sometimes I even wonder why I was born.

I don't have a dream, I didn't have an inspiration to keep going on.

My life has been so bland, boring, it's like a black and white film.

I don't find anything or anyone exciting or fun that's why I often visit some clubs or bar hop with my friends but it is still nothing..

Every person has a different path in life. That's what came in me as an answer.

What life is about for one, may not be what life is about for another. What I need to do is find out what my life is about. Unfortunately no one else can (or should) tell me. They don't know what my karma is or what teachers and experiences must come to me.

I need to connect with my heart. What do I love? What gives me energy and passion? How do I feel about myself and the world? What would I like to do, try, explore, experience? Only I have those answers.

I must not try to find the basic purpose of other people's lives. I can't. There isn't just one blueprint for every human.

Forget about other people and try and gain a deeper understanding of who am I. Forget the 'shoulds'. There are none other than doing no harm to others.

This life is my time on this planet. Its minutes, hours, days, weeks and years belong to me.

So, what's it going to be for me? I'll figure it out as the days go by. I don't think there's a time limit. Relax. I'm already living the meaning of my life. This question was a part of it.

Be courageous. Don't betray yourself. Trust yourself. I kept those in my mind but it was still hard for me.

I find it so hard to keep going until those dreams started haunting me..

It's like a light bulb suddenly lifted my mind giving me this idea, a thought. A dream.

As I continue to have those.. I feel like I've found my purpose.. I've found my will to live and it is to find her.

I'm not sure why or when or how?

She could be reincarnated as a man now, or someone who lives overseas or maybe someone younger than me or even older.

There's even a possibility that she didn't reincarnated at all but I just had this feeling inside me.

I have to find her.

I've live this life to find her..

My life, and my time, I've live to dedicate it all to her..

My Lisa..

_________

"I still don't understand why I have to tour around those exchange students? Why me?" I complained while rolling my eyes at Irene

"Well maybe because you represent our batch which you wanted in the first place? Besides its not so bad Jen, those students seems so nice and sweet" Irene babbled as she cling into my arms. I still don't like the idea of touring around some random people. Hanging out with my friends already exhaust my social battery, how am I suppose to survive it with a stranger?

We're on our way now to the cafeteria after finishing our first period. Irene told me to meet these students that I have to tour around inside. I still don't get why I have to do that? No one toured me around when I came here so why do I have to do it to them?

I heard from Nayeon earlier that they have some connection from the higher ups. I think one of them is the god daughter of the school director but still, why me?! Tourism wasn't even my course.

"How do you even know that they're sweet? You met them? " I asked with furrowed brows

"Nope, but Seulgi did. One of them is a soccer player " She stated which made me look at her suspiciously

"You're still talking to that Seulgi? You like her do you? " I teased her and she's quick to scoff. This girl doesn't know how to lie

"No of course not! She's just a friend" she defended but I still find it suspicious.

I just know that she likes that soccer player.

"Anyways I'll leave you here now, they're on our usual table waiting. " She said with a smile and was about to run but I held her arms

"You're leaving me?! " I asked in disbelief and she gave me an awkward smile.

"Seulgi texted me, See you, thank you, bye!" She immediately run away leaving me there speechless..

That girl.. I'm going to snatch her hair when I get a hold of her soon..

Now what?!

I looked over our usual table, I saw two girls sitting beside each other but their back are facing me. One is blonde and the other has a brown hair.

What if I just ditch them? I'm pretty sure that they're old enough to figure how to tour around by themselves, right?

I sighed. Who am I even kidding? I'm too nice to do that and my conscience wouldn't let me leave these two girls waiting for nothing.

I just hate socializing so much. I actually hate everything that I do.

But..

I'm quite good at faking that I could do things in front of others. It's just that I needed to do that because people wouldn't care about you if you can't please them.

I know we don't need to please others and I agree with that. But in reality, we need to do it for us to be able to do other stuff we can't do alone with their help.