Maybe Next Time

Today was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, I looked myself at the mirror as tears falls down my warmth cheek and let it stained my beautiful white dress.

"I am happy, this is what I wanted." I convinced myself, repeating the words all over again until it felt real.

You know i'm planning to put my name on you, my lips, my everything. To make sure you'll always be mine, and what's mine is yours.

Those words echoed my minds and I was brought back to reality when my phone vibrates.

I gaze my phone, although I no longer save his contact I'd know that it his number. Sudden ache jolted my heart. Not now, not today, not at this moment. Tears started to stream down even more.

Maybe in another life, we'll have our happy endings. Or maybe in a different circumstances I would be the one who put the ring on your left finger, plan our wedding, have kids and we would've had everything we'd ever wanted. The goodbye I knew was coming but didn't think it would truly happened.

I've ruined my make up for sure now, but I couldn't have cared less. All I wanted was his arms holding me, telling me it was going to be okay.

A knocked on the door, I hurriedly whiped the tears off my face and let out a smile. I knew it was my time to walk down the aisle.

I stood on the front of the church's door, everyone stood up as the songs start and it was my cue for me to walk slowly to the man I would spend the rest of my life with.

You will forever be my red thread of fate, we will find each other again. I promise you the next time I won't ever let you slip out of my hands. I wouldn't have fallen for someone else too soon.

I fake a smile as I hold my grandma's hand and she walked me down the aisle, people were cheering for me and everyone looked so happy.

I took my last step and face the man of my future, I looked at his pure loving eyes and I can't help myself to feel guilty for loving someone else as well.

I promise I'll be there, I'll be happy for you, I'll smile the brightest smile in the room and I'll congratulate you. Nothing in this world matters more than your happiness. And I'm sorry that my all were the exceptions.

I scanned the room hoping you'd broken your promise and didn't come- because I didn't think I could face to see your face, a face of a broken hearted man but putting on a hurtful smile.

As the ceremony began, I took a deep breath and tell myself that this is the right thing to do. It was the right choice for us. Not just for mine, but for his. I need to set him free, he deserved his happy family.

As the priest pronounced us husband and wife, I saw him. Him in the left side of the corner, tears rolls down without having me to close my eyes. I looked at him, his eyes met mine as he smiled. He mouthed congratulations and crossed his heart. I tried to kept it together, tried so hard no to breakdown nor to run towards him. I took a deep breath and mouthed Thank you for everything.

I love you. I always will, even when you are somewhere across the globe holding your kids on your arms smiling to your husband that's not me. I would still love you all my life. Life is beautiful knowing you exist in it.