Book: Paradise
Author:ToastYourDilemma
Feedback:
I really appreciated your blurb. It was easy and straight to the point. Also, I found your first paragraph extremely cathing. After reading it, I felt the urge to stick to the story and that is good. I am a great lover of poetry, I adore poems and think there is beautiful coming out from the sincerity of words and I felt beauty in that chapter. However, you began with quotation making me think if someone was conversing with another untill I realized it wasn't. I will ask you to remove it. Yes Lily might be describing her feeling, but there is no need to have it if there isn't another character with whom she's chatting.
I really liked your character and their development. They sounded real, they felt real and just like I stated you have a thing in description. However I found a hell lot of punctuation errors and I saw you often out a gap before beginning to write when writing a conversation among characters. Example in chapter one you wrote:
" He is still not picking up,"
The writing is good but the gab you placed before the he is not necessary. Also your chapters are well, very long. Readers like me (who loves reading but gets bored easily) once we fall on a book with too long chapters we get tired. I will ask you to ensure your story should be in between 1500 - 2000.
Apart from that there is nothing to add. You only wrote three chapters and it's too little to hold more criticism. So I hope this was helpful.
