Author:
Book: jaceon2023
Feedback:
Your bio felt like you were describing a story to a kid. Try to develop it into something more captivating, more mature, more calling. Your title is 'Do You See Me?' try to include it in the blurb together with the names of our portagonist example:
Ember James has lost her mother to cancer and after years her father succeed in remarrying. The problem? Her new mother in law has something that could be closely related to half a football team--seven children.
You see what I mean? Put a little bit of interaction between the two main actors and end it with a little of thrill relating to your book... "will he out of everything succeed in seeing her? Especially when that version of her has always been hidden?
Well, that apart
You need to greatly edit your story. The chapters are written in two or three paragraphs with quotation in between description is making the plot confusing. Try to separate things and look at other story to see the structure of your chapters. Apart from that I think your story is good. But since your chapters are quite short what if you combined two as one and try to end on a suspense note?
