It was funny how much he sounded like Carly. Him saying it meant two votes. And two votes were enough to get me motivated to try with him again.
The next day in first period, I smiled at him and said hi when he sat in his seat.
He ignored me.
I took out the extra pencil I brought with me today and offered it to him. "Didn't you say I was your supply closet? Here you go."
But he didn't take it. Instead, he got up from his seat, taking his stuff with him and walked over to the girl he exchanged seats with in the beginning of the year.
He slammed his books on the desk. "Get out of my seat."
I stared at him, hurt. He was so cold.
The terrified girl quickly gathered her things and rushed back to the seat next to me.
Later that day, I was walking to my eighth period class when I saw him coming my way with a friend of his. I smiled, happy to see him again since we didn't share many classes together.
I stopped walking. "Hi."
As if I were a ghost, he kept on walking with his friend, talking and laughing, and completely ignoring me all together. If not for his friend glancing at me, I would have really thought I was a ghost.
I turned around and watched his back as he walked away. I didn't like it, not at all. My heart beat anxiously for him. Even though that kiss was suffocating, I'd still touch my lips and think, Alex's lips were there...
Maybe I was one of those girls who fell too hard too fast. Maybe I fooled myself by his temporary kindness since it was so unusual. But I didn't care. I didn't care if I was going to get called crazy. I didn't care if I was going to get bullied for it. I didn't care that he was ignoring me. I didn't care if people around me became judgmental. I had feelings for him and those feelings were honest. And maybe I'm being judgmental myself, but it was clear to me that all of the girls who throw themselves at him so easily didn't deserve him.
I could make him happy. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted to get a chance at making him happy. And I'm going to work for that chance until I'm properly rejected. Then... honestly I don't even know what I would do if that happened.
I decided to start watching him play baseball after school. So today I went over to the baseball field and silently watched behind the fence. The more I watched, the more I saw him smile. The more I saw him smile, the more I smiled and fell harder for him.
And so that's what happened for the next few days, I'd secretly watch him from the back, then take a dash for it when he finishes up. Little by little, it was as if these were our little one sided dates.
Then one day, that all changed.
I was standing behind the fence smiling crazily at the hit he just did, so high, looking up at it made my eyes almost go blind by the sun. That's not the reason why I was so happy. It was really because of his sudden exhilaration that was plastered all over his face in a big smile. It made my heart pound with excitement.
And then my phone rang.
His head snapped my way that very second, looking at me and blinking in confusion at my presence. The smile he had on his face vanished, and I thought to myself, that's it. He'll just pick up his things and leave now.
Instead, he turned back around and resumed playing, as if I wasn't there.
That should have annoyed me just a little, but it didn't. I was so happy that I entered the field and sat on the bleachers instead. He didn't know it, but ignoring me, to me, it was like he had given me permission to be there.
Two days later, I was running happily around the field collecting the balls for him.
This seemed to bother him. His face yelled the words I don't need your help. But he didn't say anything out loud, so I didn't stop.
"Great job today!" I praised when he finished up. "You're the king of baseball."
I sat on the city bus staring out of the window. I had recently starting taking two city buses to get home. One that will drop me downtown and the other drops me off at the drug store near my house.
"You ran around the field until your clothes were soaked with sweat?" Clair said, clearly shocked with disgust.
"Yup."
She groaned. "Take a shower as soon as you get home. Focus on scrubbing your back especially."
"'Kay." I remembered back all the happy faces he made when he got a good hit. "But you know, it was really worth it."
"Usually that's how it is with first love. I really don't recommend the fall hard, too fast equation of it at all. Most of the time it fails enormously. And for it to be your first, that makes it all that much worse. At your age, any guy who tells you they love you, or shows you that he cares, or makes you feel like you're the apple of his eye, you'll automatically assume he's your prince charming."
"I know Clair. I learned a lot of unsaid things from you, you know. For now, I'm just going to make him see me as a friend. I won't take our relationship any further if he's going to treat me like the bottom of his shoes behind my back. I'll figure it out. I promise."
"I'll trust you for now. But be careful. Don't follow your heart like Justin told you so foolishly. Use it to your advantage. Do your homework about the boy. Then only submit your work when all of the answers make sense."
I decided, soon, I'm going to at the very least confront him to see why he started ignoring me all of the sudden. Out of a kiss he led.
