No One But Me

Chapter 12 - Redemption

"Look," Joel began in a serious tone. "I know I went hard on ya last night, maybe hurt ya worse than I was supposed to." His thumb rubs along the heel of your foot gently, almost like a supplication for you to understand his perspective. "But when you disrespect me you break my rules. That's why I gotta discipline you, otherwise how is this supposed to work?"

You shake your head a little, wanting to show your disagreement but the throbbing in your head is getting worse. "But I didn't do anything wrong," you whisper, a small part of you hoping your words don't come across as defiant.

"Babydoll," Joel says sternly. "Look at me. Now."

The authority in his voice is unsettling enough to make you look back up at him.

"You're my woman," he states plainly. "I ain't sharin' you with anyone else. And I don't want any other man lookin' at you the way I saw 'em last night. They see you actin' wild with those girls and think you don't got a man takin' care of you, that maybe you're askin' for somethin'. So you behavin' that way disrespects me."

You don't have enough experience with men to know if what Joel says is true. Do men really think that way?

"You gotta trust me, baby girl. Men like that see a pretty girl like you and they'll do whatever it takes to get a taste." Joel speaks earnestly. "I've seen what these men can do to a woman first hand. If anything like that happened to you...." Joel sighs heavily and shakes his head. "I gotta protect you from that."

You watch the almost mournful arrangement of Joel's facial features, the slightly pained regret and sorrow in his brown eyes. He looks so soft this like, when a glimpse of his inner sensitive side appeared. This is the Joel you love. Maybe he really is just trying to protect you

"I don't like it when you get so angry," you whisper, looking down at your lap. "And you hurt me."

"I know I can get a bit carried away, my amger gets the better of me. But that's because I get so worried about ya," Joel admits solemnly. "I can't lose you, baby. And that's why you gotta listen to me. What I do is for your own good, sugar."

You understand Joel's worries and concerns. You understand how the trauma from losing his daughter would always haunt him, cause him to cling tighter to those he loves. But how are you supposed to have a healthy relationship when Joel hurts you for any perceived threat of losing you?

But you can't bring yourself to argue with him right now. You are confused by his contradictory actions and words, your mind too muddled and tired for you to properly debate him or articulate yourself.

While you are silent Joel reaches into his pocket and pulls out what looks like a folded white envelope. "Now, I want you to take this medicine. It'll help with the pain."

You peek at him from under your brow curiously. He unfolds the envelope and carefully shakes three little white tablets into the palm of his hand.

Did he really trek to the pharmacy in town just for you, because he knew you would be in pain?

Joel takes two of the tablets and holds them out to you, motioning with a nod for you to take them.

"Take 'em now." Joel commands you quietly.

Your head feels heavy and pounding once again. If these are pain killers, you would happily devour them to rid yourself of this misery. You concede to Joel's wishes and slowly reach over to accept them in your own hand. You then obediantly pop the mecidine in your mouth and swallow them down with a big gulp of green tea.

Joel watches you intently. "Good girl," he murmers. "One more."

He holds the last tablet in his outstretched palm for you to retrieve. It is smaller than the others, with some kind of letter or number embossed on its face. You don't bother studying it. You swallow it, encouraged by Joel's hand stroking along your ankle. You don't know just why his touch feels so soothing, or how your guard has slipped enough for you to even accept his hand on your skin without flinching, but it feels good. You and Joel stay like this for some time and it isn't long before you're on the verge of being lulled to sleep.