He goes limp in my arms. One minute I am holding him, and the next he collapses against me. My heart is in my chest. My beautiful angel is pale and lifeless. I can see the start of blue around his lips. I scream.
“Help him!” My voice is rough and hoarse. I don't care. I have no feeling left in my body. Jesse is crumpled on the floor, he looks dead. None of the commotion in the room bothers me. I just want my Jesse to be okay.
Dad and mom crouch down beside me. They are shaking Jesse, trying to wake him up. It doesn't work. Nothing is working. He is still lifeless in my arms. His face is turning a slight shade of blue. I feel my hear breaking.
“Please angel, wake up. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from this. I need you to wake up now.” I press a kiss to his lips. He doesn't respond. His lips remain unmoving and they are getting cold. I am scared.
Andrea shouts. She screams, she makes a lot of noise. It all passes over my head. I cannot leave him. He needs me to protect him from the scary world and that is what I will do. I will hold him until someone helps him. Mom has no problem stepping in though.
Her voice is angry. She's just as scared as I am. Maybe not as scared, but she loves Jesse. Both my parents love him and now he's lying on the floor unconscious. He looks frighteningly pale. I want to kiss every inch of him.
People crowd around us. I hear someone say mom slapped Andrea. But, I don't look up. I stroke the hair off his face. Kiss his cheek or his forehead, whichever I can get and whisper soothing, pleading words into his ear.
“Wake up, baby.” I whisper quietly. “Please angel, for me wake up. I want to say I'm sorry, but I can't you're not awake. I love you, Jesse. I love you so much it hurts. I want to tell the world. They all know now, we won't have to hide. I promise we won't”
It does no good. His limp body stays still. A paramedic arrives. People pull me off of him. I feel my soul leaving my body. Without Jesse I have no soul. No power. I pull my arms away from them and separate myself.
I demand to be taken in the ambulance with him. He tells me only family can go with patients. He says I'm not family. My blood boils. My temper rises. The words he sprouts make me angry. I tell him so.
“For the past ten years, I have loved Jesse more than anyone. I was the first person who loved him. You think his bitch of a mother loves him. She's the reason he's in the state he's in now. You can see the bruises like I can.”
He sighs at me, looking at me like a spoilt child. I know how I sound. I don't care though. Nothing else matters but getting him better. But, I need to be with him. He needs someone by his side. I should know, I know him better than anyone else.
“Fine, you can ride with us. Do not get in my fucking way. If I tell you to get out of my way, you do that. If I tell you to get me something, you get it for me. Are we clear?” He sounds like he is scolding a child.
“Crystal. Can we go?” I'm mad, he's wasting time when he could be helping Jesse.
He motions me into the ambulance. Jesse is on a stretcher. Another paramedic is helping Jesse. He looks friendlier and even smiles as I enter the ambulance. He gives me space to hold his hand. I smile at him and look at my beautiful angel.
He's even paler now. His lips aren't as blue though, which is good. They have ripped his shirt open and I can see the bruises on his body. Tears well in my eyes. I take his hand and kiss the palm. His wrist looks so tiny.
“I love you. I will always love you. When you wake up I'll be here. I'm not leaving your side. You just make sure you get better for me. I want to see you open those beautiful baby blues.” I can't stop my tears.
