Midnights with Pierce Psyche Esquivel

Chapter 10

And I think I need to make myself clear. "I am writing my lyrics and I am having a hard time…"

Magpapatuloy pa sana ako pero kaagad na siyang tumango sa akin, she immediately got my point.

Something in her eyes shited before answering at hindi ko mapigilan na mamangha. 

"I have never been in love but...I saw my father love my Mom and it was the greatest thing that I have ever witnessed but it was...very painful too." Humina ang boses niya sa pang huli nitong salita.

Nabura ang ngiti sa labi ko. Her eyes were glued on the side, thinking deeply when she looked up to me. Her eyes were so serious but not the serious eyes when she is at work, it just looks so different for me.

"If you love someone, you will have the same pain and happiness as him. If he is in pain then you are in pain too, if he is happy then you're happy too. It's like a mirror but with two different people."

She let out a small smile...her lips curved into a sad smile which made my inside sink. Ramdam ko ang biglang pamimigat ng dibdib ko sa ngiti niya. 

"So if you love a person...I guess if he loves someone else and he is happy with it, then just be happy for him too." 

I bit my lips as I held onto my notebook tightly, dahil mas lalong bumigat ang nararamdaman ko. I didn't know it would turn out like this…I didn't know that her words would strike all of the sudden. 

And I just can't stand hearing her tone this way...to see her lips curved into a sad smile...it was painful to see her this way.

"Okay na po ba?" 

I licked my lips. "Y-yeah…" Umiwas ako ng tingin. 

She let out a more genuine smile this time but all I could remember was her sad smile.

"May tanong pa po ba kayo?"

I breathed in deeply and shook my head. "That is more than enough. Thank you for the insight…" I looked at my door and looked at her again. "And have a goodnight." 

I didn't wait for her response and instantly walked towards my door. Nang tuluyan ko itong masara ay kaagad akong pumikit habang nakahawak sa dibdib ko. My heart was beating wildly but all for the wrong reason.

Seeing her smile that way...it was really unexpected. 

And how she defined love, I didn't know that she would go that deep and painful, as if she experienced it herself. 

Huminga ako ng malalim at paulit-ulit na tinapik ang dibdib kong patuloy sa marahas nitong pagtibok.

Hanggang sa pagtulog ay iyon ang nasa isipan ko. I didn't even notice how hurt my cheek was after I accidently scratched it. 

Nagpakawala ulit ako ng malalim na hininga at napatitig sa kisame. One thing that I have realized today is that...I don't ever wanna see her lips curved that way...it was painful to see that kind of smile on her. It will never suit her. 

The next morning, I continued writing my lyrics, more motivated this time. I wasn't even able to take my lunch properly at naisipan ko na lang na kumain ng mga bandang alas tres na ng hapon.

And while I was eating, I called my favourite stylist to have a home service instead. Hindi pa ako pwedeng lumabas para magpagupit at medyo naiirita na ako sa humahaba kong buhok. I scheduled my hair cutting the same day by six pm and they agreed to do so.

Kaya naman pagkatapos kong makontento sa sulat ko ay kaagad na akong naligo. I am more confident with my lyrics this time and I based it all on Liberty’s answer. Parang ngayon yang ulit ako nagkaroon ng kumpyansa sa sarili kong pagsusulat.