Until she wins

1- bad day

It was race day again and I was watching my brother Max from the red bull garage. Everything was going well so far, he was currently leading the race and my dad seemed happy. There was 9 laps left but Alonso was managing to close the gap. I looked over at my dad fearfully, he was already starting to get agitated. The gap was now down to less than a second. Everyone around me was shouting at the screens. 

*Deep breaths, no ones angry yet* I told myself. I gently rubbed my chest to calm down more.

Alonso had DRS now and the overtake was available. Two seconds later there was contact and Max went flying across the track into the barriers.

"FOR FUCK SAKE! HES JUST LOST SO MANY POINTS THERE!" my dad yelled, standing next to me. He didn't even care that Max could be hurt from the crash, only that he wouldn't be able to finish the race. My heart was pounding and I held my breath waiting to hear that Max was ok. I heard a large bang behind me, making me jump. I spun round to see that it was my dad throwing something in his rage. I hated being around him when he was like this but Max still hadn't responded.

"I'm ok guys" a wave of relief washed over me as I heard my brothers voice through the radio. Max got checked over at the medical centre and he was given the all clear and that he was fine.

As soon as he stepped into the garage I flung my arms around him in a hug, almost knocking him over. He hugged me back before looking down at me and smiling. 

"Come on, it's alright. I'm ok I promise." he said. He was the only person who knew how bad my anxiety was and he was the only person who could seem to calm me down.

Our hug was ended by our dad walking towards us wearing an expression of pure anger and disappointment.  

"What on earth is wrong with you? You could've easily stopped Alonso but now look at you, I knew your success wouldn't last long!" he screamed at Max. We were in a corner on our own so no one else could hear. Dad was so angry, I hadn't seen him this angry at Max in a while. 

Interrupting our dads yells Max told me to go to his driver room and wait for him there.

"DONT YOU DARE INTERRUPT ME WHEN IM TALKING TO YOU MAX!"  dad yelled

"She doesn't need to see this!" Max argued back gesturing to me. 

I took my chance then and got myself away from my arguing family. When I got into Max's driver room I locked the door. I just wanted to be on my own and I could still hear their shouts. I sat huddled in the corner with my head in my hands listening. Tears were now escaping from my eyes. My chest felt tight and my breathing became faster. The pain from my bruises was growing too as I was huddled up. It felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't hear the shouting anymore but that didn't calm me down. There was a sudden sharp knock on the door and I looked up, tears still pouring from my eyes. 

"Abi, it's me. Open the door." Max's voice called out.

I wanted to unlock it and see him but I physically couldn't bring myself to. I tried to cover up the sound of my tears but Max seemed to already have heard them.

"It's over now. It's ok I promise. Deep breaths, just breathe alright" I tried to slow my breathing and it worked a bit so I went to open the door. 

"Abi I'm really sorry" he said as I cried into his arms. "Listen I know this isn't what you want to hear at the moment but dad wants to go home now and you need to go with him."

"What no, can I just stay with you tonight?" I asked practically begging him.

"You know I'd normally say yes but he's already really mad and if you came back with me it would just make it worse." Max replied.

I desperately didn't want to go home with my dad but Max did have a point. I dried my eyes on my sleeve and went to go and find my dad. One of the mechanics called over to me and told me that he was waiting in his car.  

The whole journey home was silent. We didn't say a word to each other until we were back in the house. As soon as I'd shut the door I was told to got to my room. I didn't understand why I had to so I argued back. This was clearly a mistake. Dad exploded like a bomb. He forcefully grabbed hold of my arm and started practically dragging me to my room.

"YOU DO NOT GO AGAINST WHAT I SAY! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU THINKING YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU LIKE!"

I wanted to apologise even though I didn't mean it. I just wanted him to stop.

"DAD..."

His fist hit me right in the face and I stumbled backwards feeling blood oozing from my nose. He ripped open the door to my room and threw me in.

"NOW STAY IN THERE YOU LITTLE SHIT AND I DONT WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE TILL TOMORROW!" He yelled.

I collapsed onto the floor and just started breaking down. I didn't even bother cleaning my face. I just sat there and cried until it felt like there was no tears left for me to cry anymore.