Lies - Criminal Minds || Spencer Reid Fanfiction

14. Tension

"Was it the Unsub?" 

"Garcia suggested that he has a partner, it'd have been impossible to jam the networks on the run from Jackson."

"Has he been found yet?" I asked. My eyes followed Spencer as he shrugged back inside his cardigan and finished tidying my office. I had a bitter taste in my mouth and a pounding headache. 

Things were a mess. 

No, they were a nightmare. A complete and utter disaster. 

Why the fuck had I had sex with him? 

The Lover 

I had no idea what we were doing. 

I had no idea where I stood. 

I had no idea what Melanie was thinking. 

When she got off the phone with her dad she explained Morgan's condition and how Carter was still in surgery, that the crash had affected her worse because she hadn't been wearing her seatbelt and had slammed into the back of Morgan's seat. She also explained how we were all meeting at the hospital bar Peters who was still with Carter's fiancee. 

I wanted to scoff. 

Fiancee, yeah, I knew a lot about that title. 

I felt a wave of bitterness come over me as we silently rode the elevator downstairs, Melanie's heels clicked off the marble as we crossed the foyer to the parking lot. 

I wanted to ask her why she'd done it, well, why we'd done it. I wanted to ask her why she was messing with my feelings but I also wanted to shove her up against a wall and either kiss her lips until they chapped or demand to know what she thought she was doing to me. 

To us. To this whole goddamn situation. 

It was like we weren't moving and yet the whole world continued to spin and my mind was churning ever-so-slowly forwards as though I wasn't really moving at all.

I couldn't piece together what I was doing, or what I was going to do. 

Because there was a lot that had to be done. 

This case had to be finished. 

 My 'situation' with Melanie had to be clearly defined. 

 My 'relationship' with Dylan was still pending, and I had no idea what was going to happen to that either. 

My entire life was slowly cracking and peeling and falling apart, and I felt bitter and cold and tired. 

I'd planned to have Schizophrenia cured, a wife and two kids by this point in my life. 

Not to mention a dog. I wanted a dog too. 

I wanted the perfect life my mother told me I could have growing up. 

My whole life I'd struggled, despite the fact that 'i'm a genius' and 'everything was so easy for me.' 

What people, in general, didn't understand was that 'us geniuses' had it the hardest. 

Being smart didn't make you cool. It didn't make you wanted. It didn't mean everybody loved you. It only meant you had to try so much harder than everyone else, all of the time. 

And now, now that I had my perfect life clicking ahead in front of me in her light grey skirt suit and fancy pale pink blouse I knew that even if I am a genius, I just couldn't figure out why, no matter how hard I wanted her, no matter how much I wanted our perfect life, it never seemed as though we would have it.