Can We Pretend

This was gold.

When you went into the woods for a peaceful stroll you weren't expecting to find Astarion tied up and half-naked.

"I'm glad you're ready for me but I wish you had asked me to tie you up myself." You ignored the slip of paper above him held up by a dagger that read 'this is a warning, we won't be so merciful next time' in bloody lettering, "I so do prefer you this way."

You tilted his chin with your index finger and caught him roll his eyes.

"Just untie me! This is humiliating enough - I don't want any of those fools we call companions stumbling upon this sight." He huffed and pushed your hand away with his face.

Chuckling, you retrieved your dagger from its sheath and severed the rope keeping Astarion by the tree, "we wouldn't want that now, would we? Then I wouldn't get you all to myself. I don't want anyone else seeing you like this."

Your intentions weren't as less-than-pure as you made out. If your companions caught sight of this Astarion would never live it down, he didn't need that added onto his trauma. It was okay when you made jokes, if Astarion was uncomfortable with them you wouldn't make them, and you knew when to stop. However you couldn't be so sure your companions were the same way.

"Yes, yes, drink it in while you still can, who knows when you'll see me like this again. Next time it might be you on your knees." He stood up and waved his hands around, "can you do my wrists now, they're aching."

"Of course," you sliced the rope tying his hands behind his back, "wrists are important. You'll need them for... other purposes."

"How about strangling you for running your mouth?" He headed in the direction of camp.

You followed right behind him, "Well, I so do enjoy being choked."

"Uh," he looked back at you, "is there anything you aren't into?"

With the biggest shit-eating grin on your face, you asked, "I don't know, why don't you help me find out?"

Astarion sighed and muttered, "I really fell into that one, didn't I. Sometimes I wonder if you're actually being serious."

In feign offence, you gasped and waved a finger at him, "how dare you accuse me of joking about such a thing. When talking about sex, especially with you of all people, I take utmost pride in my seriousness around the subject. Honestly, the nerve of some people."

"Thank you, truly, for putting things into perspective for me. And please accept my sincerest apologies for ever doubting you." You didn't think you'd ever hear him be more sarcastic.

"I accept your apology but I do not forgive you," you sped up and as you crossed him whispered, "you'll have to make it up to me tonight."

Before he had time to think of a rebuttal, you were back at camp. Everyone quickly noticed your presence - or more, they heard you coming and noticed Astarion's indecency.

"Wow. Who knew Astarion was more than a pretty face?" Shadowheart's tent was at the edge of camp so she was already on the scene.

Lae'zel was always nearby, lurking. "Maybe I wouldn't have been so quick to judge him for being a pompous ass had I know what he looked like beneath all the fuss and feathers."

"Mmm, I second that." At least the others tried to be a little subtle with their staring, Gale did no such thing.

"I did call it. Don't you remember when we got drunk that time and I said, 'Astarion definitely has the hottest bod in camp' and that's coming from me who is literally the hottest."