[01] The Subconscious Conscious

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Draco Malfoy and the Subconscious Conscious

Chapter 1

I pushed the strands of silver hair out of my eyes, willing myself to calm down. The war took so much from me, from the students, from everyone, from Harry. I can't believe that he was forced to fight the war at age such a vulnerable age. Looking back up at the mirror I was greeted by my tired face. Woken up from another dream and water running down my chin as I splashed more of the clear liquid on my face. The cool water helped only a little, the faces of those I grew up hating and slowly accepting had finally shocked me to awaken in cold sweat and tears.

"Draco! Draco!" Mother shouted, her hand slamming on the black stained mahogany door that separated us both. Looking back at the mirror, I stared at sunken eyes and gaunt features. My cheeks had hollowed and face paler than usual. My eyes were broken and my tears had swollen them a little, red and puffy. Nothing was presented in them, no hate, no love, no anger. I just wasn't myself. I wasn't the Malfoy that I had always wanted to grow up to be. I looked back at the door and reached forward to twist the lock. The cold, gold doorknob twisted slowly as my mother opened the door quietly in remorse.

I stared back at her, she looked older than her age. Wrinkles worn out to complete perfection yet she still held her beauty. I couldn't have asked for a more caring woman in my life. She scooped me in her arms and stood on the tips of her toes to show height as she stroked my hair and leaned on her shoulder; as I did as a child. We walked towards my bedroom and sat down on the deep green satin covers.

"Why did we have to go through that?" I asked. Mother just inhaled deeply and sighed as if all her day's stress just left. But I knew better, I knew that her true emotions were bottled up inside her and that she'd never let them go. Even till her last breathe she'd make sure to keep smiling for me. I wanted her to show how she really felt but I knew that I couldn't get that out of her. She'd never let me see her in a vulnerable state and maybe I was okay with that. Maybe I'd finally break if she showed me a fragment of what she really felt.

Even though he left and we were free, I knew that she was broken without father. Maybe if I never came out as gay, he'd be here. But, I knew that was wrong, the ministry weren't going to let him go for all the misdeeds that he had done. Did he deserve the Dementor's Kiss? I couldn't ever answer that and that's what scares me. Have I been scarred so hard that I no longer feel emotion?

"McGonagall gave this yesterday, I was going to give it to you tomorrow but I-" I took the letter my mother held in her fragile hands. I gave her hand squeeze and pull her in for a firm hug.

"It's okay," I reassure. It's time I just started saying that, time to start telling her it that it was okay that everything that happened, everything that's happening. It's okay.

Dear Draco,

I'm pleased to tell you that Hogwarts School a Witchcraft a Wizardry is looking for a potions master. As you have all the capable O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S you are easily enough capable to becomes Hogwarts Potions master. If you start, please come to the school a week before the opening ceremony this year.

Minerva McGonagall

"Huh? Kinda informal for the new Headmistress of Hogwarts don't ya think?" I questioned out loud. Mother chuckled lightly and gave my hand a squeeze. I looked over at her. "Do you want me to go?" She gave a silent nod and I smiled. I couldn't though, as much as I want to do this for her and maybe for myself there was something that I had been planning for sometime now. And if I pulled it off then maybe everyone will be alright. "I'll go to McGonagall tomorrow. I need to clear some things before I fully accept this. Do you think you'll be alright on your own?"

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