I Like Myself When I'm With You

Part One

My gaze dropped to the coffee in my trembling hands as I grappled with my thoughts being a fresh, junior staff member with no professional working experience. Perhaps just a sprinkle of kindness in this unfamiliar working realm would have made the journey slightly more bearable for me. I know that not everyone is as kindhearted as P' Suzie, but what is so difficult about being respectful of other people?

Despite my humble rank in the office which I am very much well aware of, a lingering question echoed in my head: Shouldn't every individual, regardless of their role or status, be entitled to the basic human decency of kindness? Even the janitor deserves kindness. Everyone, no matter their job, rank, and age, should have the basic decency of kindness and respect within the same balance. After all, we are all human.

It's unbelievably crazy how unfair it has been all because of rank. It doesn't mean that I'm a junior, low-ranking staff, I should be crapped on every day, right?

Like come on, give me a break.

"And you're going to do just fine! Honestly, I know it can be a bit of a bother at times, but don't worry so much about the meetings and presentations, okay? Now I know that you're..." I could hear P' Suzie's voice go on and on as I pondered my thoughts.

Maintaining my façade of fake positivity and bright smile, I attentively listened to P' Suzie's kind words and advice for me. It sure as heck wasn't easy pretending that everything was fine, my heart whispered once more, silently. Although I'm not a liar, at this point if I were Pinocchio, my nose would have stretched on for miles with all the blatant lies that I have put myself up with. I chuckled inwardly at the irony of my forced positivity, hiding all the challenges I suffered in the pursuit of creative approval.

"...So just trust me, okay!" Once more, I nodded in agreement to her words, with a hopeful expression plastered on my pretentious face.

P' Suzie, mindful of her early meeting, suddenly glanced at her wristwatch, quickly grabbing her mug on the way out. "Well, alright! I have an early meeting today, so I'll head out first. All the best, Kin, and once again, happy birthday!" Wishing me luck and a final birthday wish, she bid goodbye and gracefully departed for her meeting, leaving her positively-riched encouraging words to sink into the break room with me.

As I glanced at the clock on the wall, I took the last bittersweet sip of my coffee that tasted as bitter as my work life. Five more minutes until I officially dove into the sea of repetitively rejected work, and an ocean filled with colleagues that I am not looking forward to meeting. Dreadfully picking up my steps, I began my day in an environment with the people that I wholeheartedly despise.

Sorry, not sorry.

"Hey, Kip? I heard from a little bird that it's your birthday today. Is that true?" A voice intruded upon my desk, and without turning, I recognized the grating tone of P' Man, a marketing senior known for intentionally mispronouncing my name to irritate me. Quickly glancing at him, I sensed insincerity in his words and wondered if P' Suzie had spilled the beans about my birthday to him. With a forced grin, I nodded, my curiosity getting the better of me. "Yes, P'. It's my birthday today. Did P' Suzie tell you that?" I asked him.

He emitted a snarky laugh, nodding as he spoke. "Yeah, Suzie told me when she was on her way to the meeting room a while ago. She also suggested I should be nicer to you today because it's your 'special day'," he air-quoted, then proceeded to knock on my table, deliberately disrupting me as I organized my paperwork. "So, what nonsense have you been complaining to her? What did you tell her, huh? Tell me," he demanded. I could feel his gaze penetrating through my face despite my focus fixed on the computer screen.

"I didn't say anything, P'," I casually shrugged, still engrossed in my work. In all fairness, I hadn't shared much with P' Suzie earlier on; other than the concoction of lies that I presented her with a nonchalant demeanor. If P' Suzie couldn't discern my true feelings, then how much could this guy possibly know? I bet he's just saying that out of guilt or something, and I'm sure P' Suzie was just simply looking out for me.