Reasons to love & live on

Prologue

Warning: suicidal, deaths and heavy profanities.

I am Zeriahn Serine Severo, diagnosed with Depressive, and a Bipolar disorder when i was in 12 years old, as i grow older this disorder got even worse. there are times that i tried to kill myself, they told me i might be crazy.. well probably they're right.

Life sucks, this world is cruel as fuck.

I always hate people, they're two faced bitch mabait sa harap mo pero pag talikod kung ano-ano na sinasabi, mga backstabber, well pano ko nasabi? it's because of my so we called friend dati.

Well my life turn upside down even when i was young, my parents died when i was 8, yung grandparents ko na ang nagpalaki sakin simula non.

Palagi nila akong sinasabihan na i should try na lumabas pa minsan-minsan, but hindi nila ako mapililit. hate ko na lumabas ng bahay mas gusto ko lang na dito ako sa loob ng bahay, sa kwarto ko mas comfortable ako dito. Lumalabas lamang ako tuwing papasok sa school, well ofc kahit ganito lagay ng buhay ko importante parin sakin ang pag aaral.

Well, the time na nakapag tapos ako akala ko mas pipiliin ko nalang na dito nalang talaga sa bahay, but naisip ko na.. no, i should find a decent job. Sayang naman yung time na ginugol ko sa pag-aaral kung hindi ako mag t-trabaho and i passed the licensure exam so dapat lang talaga maghanap ako ng trabaho for sure naman pag nag apply ako t-tanggapin ako kaagad. Well, duh ako na to' no.

Au: Well fyi si Zeriahn hindi sya palausap verbally, but sa isip nya oo.

Gustong-gusto ko na maging maayos, i hate having disorders like this.. gusto kong makalimot, gusto kong maka move on pero bakit hindi ko magawa. yung trauma, yung mga alala ng nakaraan bakit laging nalang bumabalik. It's still hunts me hanggang sa pag tulog ko ay ganon parin. 

I still hate trusting people, even now. I just don't like trusting them. Sapat na sakin na maging aral yung nangyari dati.

author: It's still might be confusing, pero sa mga susunod, i guess baka ma gets nyo nya yung mga nangyayari, especially yung kay Zeriahn.

****

I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
Oh, 'cause I need you to see
That you are the reason

or all of this years.. Ikaw lang pala.
You're the reason why i changed, you're the reason why i'm better. everything suddenly changed. Because of you i finally understand the meaning of life and love, i finally understand why i should stay.

you're the reason why i'm still here, you made me stay. And i will always stay as long as you're here with me, love.

"hey, you know what? before, i  always used to be in here." sabi ko habang naka tingin sa kalangitan, pinagmamasdan ang buwan at ang mga tala. "Why?" ngumiti ako nang saglit. I really like and hate staying here at the same time. " Because this where me and parents...dito kami madalas pumunta especially when they have their free time. And-
well.. nevermind" tumingin ako sakanya at ngumiti, ginawa rin naman nya ito. I don't want to lose her, ever.

"i love you"