Path Into the Abyss

Locked Out of Wonderland

TRIGGER WARNING FOR DISSOCIATION AND MINOR DROWNING REFERENCES. NO DEATH MENTION. Story begins under the line.

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Sometimes you don't feel alone simply because you cannot fathom the lack of being perceived by others. You don't feel lonely, you aren't sad, but you are not used to not being watched; to not being witnessed doing personal things you wish to hide from those around you. It almost feels like a sin to be yourself, not because you are doing anything wrong but because others simply do not understand the inner workings of your mind. Your interests may not be commonplace or popular with those around you or you may want to keep them private. An artefact of beauty for your eyes only, an innocent secret so sweet that only you may hold it close. This can feel like a warm blanket, a layer of security to act as a wall to protect us from the dangers of our daily lives. We all wish to have an escape. It is easy to get lost within the comforts of these artificial enhancements and allow them to seep into the cracks of reality. Slowly but surely you delve ever deeper into the illusion, movements slowing as you sink into the saccharine syrup. The world around you fades and becomes replaced with the honey-coloured ooze that used to only reside within the deepest reaches of your mind. It fills your ears, coats your eyes, and flows down your throat. Every part of you becomes filled with the viscous fluid, stifling your hunger and replacing it with a sense of being whole. You lose yourself in the pleasure of this dream world you have created. 'It's so warm and dazzling, I will only stay a little while longer' you tell yourself. 5 minutes becomes 30, 30 minutes becomes an hour, and as the hours float by you find your emotions are all coated in this sticky golden film. Hours turn to days but eventually, your responsibilities can be put off no longer. When you finally snap out of it, you find yourself unable to feel anything at all. The colours of the world seem to have washed off when you rinsed away the honey glaze of your fantasy from it, and no amount of dopamine or adrenaline chasing provides you with that same feeling of belonging as you had before. You can no longer return to that state of perception either, as your life requires you to maintain a sort of focus and attentiveness that is unachievable within it. Days continue to tick by, but not in the calming flowing state you had become accustomed to. They drag, or rather, scrape, along as you fulfil your responsibilities. You crave that sensation again and every spare moment of your time is spent laying on your bed staring at the inside of your eyelids in an anguished attempt to return. Your lust for life abandons you as you spiral and you find yourself gradually slipping into another place. This one is not warm, but not cold either. It feels empty, but just as viscous as before. Instead of being surrounded by the comforting syrup of fantasy, you are now being absorbed into a dark sludge. As you struggle to break free, you sink deeper and deeper and once more lose sight of reality. Everything is dark now, unable to be seen through the goo holding you back, but you can still feel yourself being dragged even further into this space. It feels as though many hands are gripping you wherever the ooze touches, sinking their fingers into your skin and squeezing the air from your lungs. The slime fills every orifice of your body, stealing away the hunger in your stomach and replacing the blood in your veins. It feels familiar as you realise this is not a different place after all. You truly have returned, but the sugary mixture has rotten and begun to decay your senses along with it. You see it as it really is; a desolate hellscape. As you thrash around, desperate to make your way back to the surface and return to the real world, you only sink further into the dimension. You are fully engulfed in this realm once more. This time, it is not as forgiving. This time it will not let you go.