Crown Prince and Ghost King

Chapter 19

Lazily laying on the divan, Xie Lian comfortably settled into Hua Cheng's arms and using his chest as a very comfortable – although a bit cold – pillow, the god recounted what happened in the Great Martial Hall with a bit of  a frown on his face.

His new robes were neatly folded and stored away, fearing they could get crumpled, so Xie Lian could perfectly feel his husband's soothing touch on his back  through the thin fabric of his inner robes.  So much affection was a balm for Xie Lian's unnerved soul; by the end of his story, although Hua Cheng was close to develop some sort of eyebrow twitching defect, the Crown Prince finally relaxed and lost all the subtle shaking animating his limbs.

The mixture of untold anger, apprehension, confusion and uneasiness gradually subsided until it disappeared, leaving behind only a calm feeling of peace. His heart quieted down, heartbeats gentler than before, breaths now properly filling his lungs.

«I didn't think they would really hide you», he said after a while, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen between them. «Not telling... that, I can understand. But outright lying...».

Mu Qing and Feng Xin never struck him as that kind of people. The effort of hiding his surprise had been great, so no one saw it on his face, but Xie Lian really couldn't believe those two willingly covered up Hua Cheng's presence in BanYue by lying about E-Ming. Right in front of Jun Wu, moreover!

He was expecting them not to tell Hua Cheng was his husband, but he also believed they wouldn't hesitate before revealing his identity when officially asked. That they acted so... caringly? He wasn't expecting.

It was difficult to pinpoint what kind of relationship panned out between them. Xie Lian always considered them friends, deep down he didn't want to believe he was wrong on their friendship, but at the same time he felt betrayed and at a loss when they left. Xie Lian wanted to call them friends, yet he didn't want to use that label if his trust wasn't right. For years, he'd been conflicted about that. He always believed in forever. Friends would always be his friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there'd be times when they'd part, but it for sure wouldn't be over reasons like "life is too horrible".

During his long years alone, Xie Lian often found himself thinking that mentality back and forth, not knowing if he believed it anymore.

He wanted to repair everything, but didn't know if he could endure the effort. He wanted to fix everyone's mistakes, but didn't know if he knew enough to do so.

«I'm confused», he admitted, burying his face in Hua Cheng's chest. «What should I do, San Lang? I want to believe in them, but I'm so afraid...».

Hearing his beloved say that, Hua Cheng hated those two useless martial gods a little bit more.

For years, he had to sit back and watch how Xie Lian sulked in his own self-doubt, how he talked to himself – when he thought no one was looking – about how right or wrong was for him to blame Mu Qing and Feng Xin for them leaving.

Wanting nothing more than interrupt him, but not daring to do so because of how badly Xie Lian reacted the first time he tried, Hua Cheng listened to his beloved repeat again and again "Was it my fault?", each time with more distress bleeding in his voice, each time hugging himself a bit tighter.

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He felt it before he could see it. The creeping negativity of another crisis, filling the air with invisible resentment and fear. Hua Cheng, dropping whatever task he was doing, bolted in the direction of their room, and froze right on the door.

He couldn't go in, no matter how he wished to yank His Highness away from his torment. When he tried, one time, Xie Lian's spiritual energy reacted with so much violence he was thrown backwards through five sets of walls before coming to a halt. And again, when Hua Cheng tried to approach him once more, filled with determination.